Vivacious I like it
by ncislove
Summary: An added agent to the team. Starts before Kate's death, small spoilers up through 06.04 Heartland. Gibbs has a possible new love interest. I don't own the main cast, or NCIS - boo. Read Authors note in first ch.
1. Chapter 1

Ok, so I was asked to split it up into chapters, I know, it was a bit long. So I did… then, as I was reading through it, I felt like adding more (mostly because I was bored, but I got some ideas while working on the sequel that wouldn't fit into the sequel because, well they won't). It worked out to an extra 4-5 pages, so if you've read it before, please re-read if you've got the time.

So, sequel coming "soon'ish". If you've got any ideas, let me know…. I've got about half a story, but I'm having issues. I could use a few ideas, if you _please_…

I'm also looking for other story ideas… a big fan of Gabby and then TIVA … I'm likely to consider stories along those lines first.

Disclaimer: As much as I close my eyes and wish for it, I don't own the characters, or the actors that play them, just Alex. So don't sue. If CBS or Mr. B would like to use Alex, I'm fairly certain we could figure something out.

Rated: T… things get a little 'frisky', but not really graphic, so I wouldn't really rate it M. I apologize if you disagree.

I love reviews, but I don't beg. So if you don't feel like reviewing, then just lurk (I know you're there and not reviewing), but if you do review I'll reply if you have more than just "good story" or "shitty story" to say.

---

The day was slow, painfully slow. Alex had spent a greater part of her morning playing Tetris, comparing her top score with Tony, who was situated comfortably at his desk diagonally across the bullpen. Tony has eventually become bored, probably due to the fact that he just couldn't keep up, his top score falling further and further behind his fellow agent. He had since moved on to a different game of sorts, fitting the faces of his co-workers into funny photos. His favorite was McGee as a grandmother knitting. Either that or it was Ziva as one of the Victoria's Secret models. He couldn't decide.

Ziva sat quietly at her desk across from Tony, cleaning her gun. It cleared her mind, she had once said.

McGee was situated at his desk with a small smile on his face. He was IMing with Abby, chatting about nothing in particular, but the image of her bouncing around her lab had always put a smile on his face.

The elevator _dinged_ and as a habit McGee minimized his chat window with Abby, Tony popped open a case file, albeit upside-down, and Ziva sat up a little straighter as Gibbs walked out of the elevator, coffee in hand, towards his desk. The agents sat silently, all thinking the same thing, _can't we just go home?_

Alex paused her game looked up and smiled, "Hey Gibbs! Guess my new top score on Tetris. I freakin' rock!"

Gibbs paused before sitting down at his desk and swiveling his chair to face Alex. "Lex, I thought I told you to get that game off your computer last week"

His reply was stern, but Gibbs calling her 'Lex' was a sign that although he sounded irritated, she could probably get away with whatever she was up too. She raised her eyebrows in protest and then laughed as if her boss had been joking, "but Giiiiibbs, if I deleted it off my computer, I'd lose my top score. I've been working on my top score since I started working here. I should get a medal or something. I could be a professional Tetris player."

His eyes flashed a smile, but his mouth didn't and he turned to face his own computer, "You let me know how that goes for you. And let me know when it pays your bills, so I can fire you".

"Yes Sir"

Gibbs glared in her direction.

"Right, don't call you sir"

Gibbs held is stern look.

"Right, only better my score during lunch break or when I'm bored shit-less like right now" Alex turned her attention back to her game, ignoring the lasers pointed in her direction via Gibbs eyes.

Fifteen minutes later, Gibbs placed the phone back in its cradle. "We got a case, boss?" Tony asked, his hand ready to grab his gun and badge. "No, that was the director. Go home, we're done for the day".

Tony jumped up, "Really? We get to leave an hour early? Oh Boss, do you know how much this means to me? I can make it to Georges before the start of the Ohio state gam— "Tony was cut off by the elevator doors closing in front of him.

McGee shut down his computer and hurried to gather his things before Gibbs could change his mind. Ziva put her gun back together and picked up her coat. "Alex, I will double check with Abby about tonight. But otherwise I will see you at seven your place tonight, yes?"

Alex looked up and smiled, "Yup, lady date is still on. I talked to Abby twenty minutes ago, she's bringing wine. You bring dessert and I'll have dinner ready"

Both Gibbs and McGee watched the exchange between the two women "Lady date?" they asked in unison.

"Yeah, Lady dates. It's our girl's night. Good food, good drink and good friends. It's where we get to talk about the boys" Abby answered walking around the corner.

"Y… You talk about us?" McGee asked, turning a slight shade of red "what kind of stuff?"

Abby grinned widely, "Yeah, like how big…." She gave McGee a seductive look and laughed "how big… Gibbs boat is and how to get it out of his basement". Alex stood next to Abby and they both burst out in giggles at the embarrassment that flashed across McGee's face.

Gibbs watched with a smirk on his face. He stood up and grabbed his jacket. He placed a kiss lightly on Abby's temple and then the same on Alex. He passed Ziva and squeezed her shoulder. "McGee" he called out over his shoulder "Keep your mind out of the gutter. This is work place"

"Oh Timmy" Abby sighed. "Anyway, see you girls later tonight"

"Are you leaving now, Alex? I will follow you out." Ziva said motioning towards the door.

Alex and Ziva rode in the elevator with Gibbs "So what do you women really have to say during your, um, dates?"

"Gibbs, I wouldn't take you to be interested in what us women have to say" Alex said, smirking.

"You do not believe we sit and contemplate ways to remove the boat from your basement?" Ziva questioned.

"Oh, I believe you. I would just like to know when you come up with an idea"

"Right, Gibbs. We'll let you know. You won't go down stairs to find your boat missing one day. We'll fill you in first"

"I'd appreciate that"

Alex waved one last time across the parking garage as she tossed her purse into the passenger seat of her car. She slid gracefully into the driver seat and shut the door. She paused before starting the car. Every time she got into her car, her heart fluttered a little. It had been a present from her late boyfriend; a 'Lexus for his Lexus'. He has said he had picked silver because it was flashy, just like her.

_****Flashback/**_

"_Lexus" Chris flashed a big smile. Lexus was her nickname._

_Alex stood on her tiptoes and kissed him "What's with the big smile?"_

"_I bought you something. Go look outside" _

_Alex rushed to the living room window. Her jaw nearly hit the floor when she saw the silver car. She whipped around and grinned widely at Chris before running out the door. Chris found her jumping up and down and then hugging the car. He dropped the keys into her hand "a Lexus for my Lexus" he whispered into her hair._

_They buckled up and went for a drive around the neighborhood. Before turning back they switched positions so she could fiddle with the radio, programming the stations and push all the other buttons and navigation system. "What's this for?" Alex asked. Before Chris could answer "Wait. You didn't cheat on me, did you?"_

_Chris let out a laugh, "No Lexus, I didn't cheat on you"_

"_Then what is this for, this wasn't cheap!"_

"_It's for this!" Chris pointed to the neighborhood they drove around in. "It's for leaving your family and friends and moving across the country to be close to me before I leave for a while"._

"_I love it" Alex whispered, a look of sadness in her eyes. She had given up everything. She knew he'd be going off to Afghanistan soon, but thought that if she were here close to his base, she would get updates quicker. She was trying to get a job with one of the government agencies. _

_She watched Chris as he drove home. She loved him with all her heart._

_**/Flashback****_

She inhaled deeply and turned the key in the ignition.

---

Dinner for their 'Lady date' was always the same, chicken nachos. It was simple and quick and they made a huge plate, put it in the middle of the table and all picked from the same plate. It had started by ordering nachos to-go from a local Mexican restaurant, but it had turned into their own delicious creation.

Dropping her bag by the front door she headed directly to the bathroom. She had plenty of time before her friends were due to arrive, plenty of time for a nice bath.

Filling the bathtub with hot water and her favorite bath oil, she stripped down and dipped a toe into the water. Slowly sliding her body into the water and closed her eyes. She sighed. If her body was tired, her mind was exhausted. She figured it was the time of year and in a few weeks she'd be able to move on. She had been thinking of Chris a lot lately. It had nearly been a year since he had died. She tried to move her mind to something else. The only other thing in her life was work. NCIS. A small smile formed on her lips. She was dating her job and she was ok with that. She thought back to her first day on the job. It had been just over two and a half years ago, just after Kate was hired. Chris hadn't left yet for Afghanistan, but he was increasingly busier and she needed a job that would keep her busy.

_****Flashback/**_

_After signing her contract with the director, he brought her directly to Gibbs. "This is special agent Alexis Evans. She's new on your team. Make sure either Tony or Kate shows her around and introduces her to everyone else"_

"_Alexis is so stuffy, call me Alex" Alex stuck out her hand. Gibbs eyed her hand for a moment and returned his gaze to the file he was reading._

"_Gibbs. Special Agent Gibbs"_

_Unfazed by the lack of a handshake Alex perched on the edge of his desk and leaned in "So, does Gibbs have a first name, or is it really 'special agent'?"_

_Tony gasped and Kate's eyes darted up from the computer screen. _

_Gibbs looked up and raised an eyebrow. Did she really just sit on his desk? He was shocked, but didn't let it show on his face. He was slightly impressed. She was confident, he would give her that. 'We'll see how long it lasts', he thought. "Leroy. Leroy Jethro Gibbs" He growled._

"_I thought so" Gibbs again raised an eyebrow at her response "I mean, your parents would have to be pretty damn confident to actually name you 'special agent'. Anyway, Gibbs it is. You don't really seem like a 'Leroy', an LJ maybe" she wanted to laugh at the expression on his face; she saw nothing but irritation and annoyance in his eyes. Without dropping their eye contact she continued "buuut, I think I'll stick with Gibbs"._

_Tony and Kate both jumped up to interfere "We'll take her on the tour, Boss"_

"_No"_

_Both Tony and Kate slowly sat back down._

"_No. I'll take her" Gibbs was still processing this newbie on his team. "Elevator" he nodded to Alex. She stopped as she passed Kate's desk. "Alex" she introduced herself holding out her hand._

"_Kate" Kate accepted her hand and smiled "Nice to meet you. Welcome"_

_Next Alex turned to Tony as Gibbs passed her, walking towards the elevator. Again holding her hand out to shake Tony's hand, "Alex"_

"_T… Tony" Tony stuttered. Alex smiled and he was in awe. Not because she was pretty, because she was, gorgeous even, but her confidence towards his Boss was what impressed him most. Tony estimated she was 5'6" -5'7" and 129lbs. She had pale skin, much like Abby and dark brown hair like Kate. Her hair wasn't curly, but it wasn't straight either. It fell to between her shoulder blades and her long bangs fell to the right side of her face. And where Abby's pale skin was contrasted by dark make up, Alex's face was clear. Tony squinted. Ok, maybe she had some mascara and lip gloss. And a little blush. But he couldn't be sure._

"_Evans. Elevator" Gibbs said in a low tone. If it had been directed at Tony, he would've expected a head slap. _

"_Alex" She corrected. She turned to smile again at Tony, amused by the fact that his eyes were ten times wider after she had corrected the boss. "Blink Tony, I'd hate for your eyeballs to dry out" she called as she stepped into the elevator with Gibbs._

"_She…. Did she? Did she just correct Gibbs?" Kate asked as Tony joined her in staring at the closed elevator doors._

_Tony shook his head. "It's too bad. She was a beauty. Five bucks says she doesn't make it out of the elevator alive"_

_Inside the elevator Alex had to hold a finger to her lips to keep from laughing. Were Tony and Kate really so scared of Gibbs? Sure Gibbs was confident, he was a leader and leaders should be respected, but she had seen fear on their faces when she sat on his desk. As the elevator started to move down, Gibbs reached out and flipped the emergency stop switch._

_Alex half expected him to yell at her, but instead he calmly asked "tell me about you"._

"_Uh, Not that I'm uncomfortable, but do you really need to lock me in an elevator to ask me that?"_

_When her question wasn't granted a reply, but rather a pair of blue eyes holding a cold gaze she continued. "I guess so. Let's see" she drummed her fingers on her lips as she thought. "I'm originally from Seattle; I moved here with my boyfriend, he's a Marine". Gibbs eyes soften at the mention of her boyfriend being a Marine, but he remained silent, letting her continue. "I don't really have experience as an agent, but I'm smart and a quick learner. And I can shoot a gun. I'm like, I dunno, Robin Hood or something; I just use a gun rather than a bow and arrow. And I don't steal from the rich, but I do try and give to the poor. You know, like donate to my favorite charity and stuff. I guess I'm not a guy either and I don't live in the woods, so maybe I'm not like Robin Hood, but you know in the Disney movie where he's in the archery contest and…" _

_Oh great, a chatter box like Abby and a movie buff like DiNozzo. I don't need this, Gibbs thought. "Moving on…" He interrupted._

"_Right, anyway. So here I am, my boyfriend will be leaving for Afghanistan soon" she trailed off. For the first time since he had seen her she looked down towards the floor and shifted uneasily as she spoke. Gibbs suddenly felt uncomfortable, though he didn't show it. It wasn't his intention to make her sad, just exert his authority._

"_Anything else?" He asked._

"_Being from Seattle, I'm addicted to caffeine" a smiled return to her face. He nodded, not quite smiling. "But, Seattle is home of Starbucks. So I'm a coffee snob. I mean, I'll drink black coffee if I have too, but I'm all about a grande, non-fat, caramel sauce mocha. I'm pretty sure the stuff runs through my veins."_

'_She seems vivacious, I like it'. Gibbs thought to himself as he flipped the emergency switch and sent the elevator back in motion. "I think you'll get along nicely with our forensic scientist"._

_Alex pulled herself together and reached across Gibbs stopped the elevator. "And you?"_

_Gibbs was taken aback "Excuse me?"_

"_I gave you the mini-version of my life. What's yours?"_

_Gibbs continued the elevator down to Abby's lab. "I'm your boss" The doors open and he stepped out. Gibbs led her towards Abby's lab. With a WHOOSH the doors slid open and before Gibbs could say anything Abby was standing in front of Alex, eyeing her cautiously. _

"_Hey Abbs" Gibbs demeanor softened "This is Alexis, er… Alex Evans. The new agent" He didn't need to be corrected again. He would save 'Alexis' for when she was in trouble. He knew she would be at some point._

_Abby shifted uncomfortably. _

"_What's wrong, Abbs?"_

_Abby nodded towards the door "I'm waiting for you to leave, Gibbs. So I can get to know her"._

_Gibbs took a step back and looked from the new agent to the scientist. It must be a woman thing. He didn't understand, but he didn't really want to either. As soon as the door closed behind him and Abby watched him disappear on the elevator she turned to Alex and smiled. Before Alex had a clue of what was happening, Abby had her arms around Alex and was talking 90 miles a minute. "Oh My God! I got a text from Tony. He wasn't sure you'd make it out of the elevator alive! I heard you corrected Gibbs and you sat on his desk and oh my god, you are like super woman. Are you? It took me forever to stick up to Gibbs. Well, except for when it came to my forensics, because THAT is something not to be messed with..."_

"_Are those blood cells?" Alex interrupted, pointing to a large print on the wall._

_Abby gasped, "Yes!"_

_**/Flashback ****_

The hot water was now tepid. Alex smiled. Yes, it had been a blood cell. After that Abby had declared that they were soul sisters.

---

Slowly pulling herself out of the lukewarm water, Alex dried herself off and with the towel tied securely around herself, she made her way to the bedroom. Once she dressed and pulled her wet hair into a high ponytail, she went back to the kitchen and brought out wine glasses and napkins. With forty minutes before her friends were due to arrive, Alex curled up on the sofa and flipped mindlessly through the channels.

She hated sitting on the sofa alone. It wasn't until sitting alone on the oversized sofa that she felt most alone. At other times, when she felt alone she could trick herself into believing that her loved one was in another room, still at work, or getting groceries. But curled up on the sofa, no one to cuddle up to, it pulled at her heart.

"A year, Chris. It's nearly been a year." Alex sighed. The TV faded out and Alex was transported back into a memory she'd rather not relive; one she had spent so much time trying not to relive.

_****Flashback/**_

_The team was in the middle of a case. They had caught the bastard who killed Petty Officer Levin, but were still working on the proof they needed to lock him away for good. _

"_Probie-licious, you got anything yet?" Tony whispered to McGee._

_McGee set his file down and looked over at Tony "Tony, for the last time when I have something you'll know about it. And why don't you call 'her' probie" McGee nodded towards Alex "She started just before me"._

_Alex didn't look up from the computer screen, but answered before Tony had a choice "because McWants-to-know, half the fun is the fact that you get your underwear in a bundle every time he says it. That and it's his little pet name for you. He loves you. Also, as you pointed out, I started just BEFORE you, not after. Therefore, probie, you are probie and I am… a Goddess."_

"_That's enough" Gibbs stern voice echoed throughout the bullpen._

_Alex winked at Tony before standing and stretching. "Bathroom" she called out to no one in particular, and made her way to the ladies room. _

_Returning from the bathroom she wadded up a tissue and tossed it in Tony's face. Kate reached out and grabbed hold of Alex's arm to admire her hand. "I can't believe he proposed while he was home. I just love the ring"_

_Alex squealed with delight. "I know!" I can't wait to start planning the wedding. And just double, er, triple checking that you'll be a bridesmaid?"_

"_Of course!" Kate stood and hugged her friend over the desk. Tony rolled his eyes._

_Gibbs resisted the urge to shout. He remembered the excitement of being engaged to Shannon. "Will you be planning the menu next, or can you get back to work now?"_

"_Silly Gibbs" Alex chided, moving from Kate's desk to his "We've already got it figured out. We're thinking cheetos for an appetizer"_

"_Wouldn't know what a cheeto is, Lex"_

"_Oh Gibbs, you are no fun. I'll bring you cheetos some day. And Tony before you ask, yes, I was kidding. About the cheetos at the wedding, don't worry boss, I'll bring you cheetos one day"_

_The cell phone on her desk started to ring. Alex stopped in front of her desk and looked at the caller ID. Rose. Rose Duncan, she smiled. It was her future mother-in-law. It had been two weeks since Chris had left again. The first time he had been away for a year. Then he was home for a short three weeks before leaving for Afghanistan again. This time he would be away for six months. She hadn't spoken to Rose since Chris had left. It wasn't unusual, but she was sure Rose would be calling more often. She figured wedding plans would do that to a future mother-in-law._

"_Rose" she greeted warmly._

_Alexis? _

_Alex heart froze at the sadness in her voice. "What is it Rose?" The rest of the team couldn't hear the other side of the conversation, but watched Alex tense._

_He's gone, Alexis. He's gone_

"_How? When? Wait, what?"_

_A week ago, there was an explosion. They say he didn't feel anything. It was quick_

_Alex was silent._

_Honey, you still there? _

"_Yes. The service? I can catch a flight tonight" Alex didn't know what else to ask._

_I'm sorry honey, it was this morning. Just a few people. I found out a few days ago, I… I just haven't been able to call. I'm so sorry. I had to get it over with, and I couldn't wait for you to get out here. I'm so sorry Alex felt herself crumble slowly to the ground, unaware of whose wrapped their arms around her to break her fall. _

_She opened her eyes and saw a bright light shining down in her eyes. "Oh Alexis, my dear. Jethro finished your phone call. I'm so sorry" Ducky placed a hand over hers._

_Alex sat up. She was alone with Dr. Mallard, resting on one of his autopsy tables. "Ducky, what am I going to do?"_

"_Survive, my dear. You will make it through this. You are a strong, young woman. It will be hard, but you have a family here in NCIS, and we are all here for you. Day or night. My door is open if you need a place to stay" Ducky wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug "I'm here for you, my dear. We're all here for you"_

_Alex shook her head "I need to be at home, but thank you for your kind offer". Alex swallowed against the lump in her throat. She didn't need to break down until she was home. Slowly she swung her legs off the table and made her way to the elevator. _

_Alex held her head up high as she exited the elevator and made her way to her desk. The team watched with pain in their eyes. She gathered up her things and then turned to Gibbs "I'm going home for the day. I'll be back to-_

_Gibbs cut her off and stepped in front of her "You'll take two weeks off, and we'll take it from there. I will drive you home"._

_Alex leaned against Gibbs chest allowing the warmth of his body heat warm her. She had the chills, likely from the shock of the news. The rest of the team was around her within seconds. For a brief moment she felt safe, loved and content. One by one they started to pull back from the group hug and her dark and dreary world returned._

"_No. I can drive. Thanks everybody" She tilted her head slightly for Gibbs to brush his lips to her temple. She didn't turn to look at her team until the doors had closed completely. She didn't want them to see the tears welling up in her eyes._

_The team paced the bullpen for an hour before Gibbs had had enough. He regretted letting Alex drive herself home. He tried calling her home number and then her cell. He didn't think she'd answer, in fact he was sure she wouldn't, but he wished she would. He decided that he would have to check on her; just to be sure she was ok, or as ok as she could be at that moment. He understood her pain, and he hoped she understood that._

_He drove towards her house, thankful that there were no accidents along the way. Pulling up in front of her place, it made him uneasy that her car wasn't outside. It could be in the garage, he thought to himself. It was unlikely though. _

_He had brought a pizza with him. Not that he expected her to be hungry, but just so she'd have something easy to grab in the fridge if she needed it. When she didn't answer his knock, he returned to his car. Carefully he set the pizza on the passenger seat and dug through the glove compartment until he found the tools to pick a lock._

_He was quick with the lock and stepped inside. He couldn't tell if the lights that were on had been left on from this morning, or if she had been home. He peeked around the corner into the kitchen, nothing. Making his way down the hallway, he stalled in front of the bathroom door. There was no sound, but the light was on and the door shut. He balled his hands into fists before he gently pushed the door open. His heart stalled as he expected the worse, but found nothing. He checked the rest of the rooms as well as the garage before leaving, locking the door behind him._

_He knew that if she didn't want to be found, she wouldn't. He would've done the same. He had wanted nothing more than to disappear after Shannon and Kelly died. He had held a gun to his head after he sought revenge on his family's killer. He had put the gun down, he wasn't sure why, but the pull to pull the trigger was strong. If she was in a similar space, he hoped she wouldn't pull the trigger. He sighed at how similar they were. She was about the same age as he was, a few years younger maybe, when his world came crashing down. It worried him. He didn't want her to end up like him, pushing the world away. He didn't want her to end up in a string of failed relationships, angry at life and nearly everyone in it. He wouldn't wish that on anyone. _

_He was uneasy. His damn gut, he thought. Something wasn't right. Of course it wasn't, but he felt helpless. It wasn't often that Leroy Jethro Gibbs felt helpless. He knew that if she needed him, she would find him, although, even if she needed someone she wasn't likely to ask for help. She liked to do thing on her own, but at any rate, he was available to her, so he simply headed home. He returned home, pain in his heart. Not just the pain he felt for his coworker, his friend, but a renewed pain for his own loss as well. He felt that this time he was watching his pain from the outside. It still hurt the same._

_He dropped the pizza on the kitchen counter on his way upstairs to change clothes. As a last hope, he checked the various rooms in his house, just to be sure. She wasn't there. _

_He took the stairs to the basement two at a time. Shit. He cursed silently to himself as he saw the empty bottle of bourbon on his work bench. He had forgotten to replenish his supply of drink after he had finished off his last bottle. _

_For the first time in a very long time he worked on his boat completely sober. Lost in a memory of what had been and what could have been, he didn't hear the front door open or the feet on the first few steps. When he did hear something, he looked up to see Alex perched near the top of the stairs pulling a bottle of Jack Daniels out of her bag. He stood at the bottom of the stairs and watched her take a long drink from the bottle. "Care to share?" He asked quietly._

"_No." Alex stated simply. Gibbs kept watching her as she set the bottle beside her and moved her hands back to her bag. She produced an identical bottle and held it out towards him "For you"._

"_Thanks" he whispered, barely audible, and took his place next to her on the step. They were silent for awhile, drinking directly from the bottle. _

_Her bottle was half empty before she finally spoke. "He asked me to marry him, and then he left me. He left me! Then his family had a funeral without me. We were going to be family, and they didn't even give me the chance to say goodbye." _

_Gibbs placed a comforting arm around her and placed his lips on her head before whispering in her hair "He didn't leave you, not on purpose" He paused, holding back his own emotions "no one would leave you on purpose. And as for his family. I don't know. People deal in different ways, I guess." _

_She turned to look at him, "how do you deal?"_

_He leaned forward and placed his lips gently on hers. It wasn't a romantic gesture, although it made his lips tingle and body flood with warmth, it was more for his own comfort. "I don't know"._

_They sat a while longer, sipping occasionally from the bottles clenched in their hands. At some point around mid-night Alex stood. "I need to get going"_

_Gibbs struggled to his feet "You aren't driving anywhere" _

"_I'll walk. At this point, I don't feel anything. Fresh air will do me good". Gibbs was surprised at how sober she sounded. Not that he'd let her drive, but she had more to drink than he had, and he was struggling to push her up the last few steps so that he wouldn't stumble and fall._

"_The sheets on the guest bed are clean. Don't go anywhere. Not like this"_

_She didn't reply, but paused before turning into the kitchen. She found the pizza box and looked over her shoulder at Gibbs, "Can I?" He nodded. She grabbed a slice of pizza and perched on the counter. "You don't have to wait up. I promise I won't wander the streets, or drive drunk. I might be angry, but I'd never drive drunk."_

_Gibbs just nodded before retreating upstairs to his bed. He didn't even crawl under the sheets, he just collapsed on top and closed his eyes. His eyes fluttered open again to stare at a ceiling he couldn't see, he couldn't see the ceiling because of the dark but even if it had been light, he wouldn't have been able to see through the tears in his eyes. It was a few minutes before he was able to fall into a restless sleep. It was around 6am when Gibbs made his way downstairs to discover Alex sitting on his kitchen counter. "Did you sleep?" Alex nodded and mumbled something through the pizza she had brought back out for breakfast._

_Gibbs fumbled through the cabinet for a coffee mug, grabbed one and turned around "You know, I somewhat expected to find you asleep by the toilet. You drank more than I did, and I nearly slept by the toilet myself"._

_Alex shrugged and jumped down from the counter."I'm gonna go… home… now, Gibbs" _

_He watched her leave._

_--- Two weeks later---_

_It was Friday. It had been two weeks since Alex had heard of Chris' death. Gibbs had ordered her to take two weeks off, and after this weekend she could return to work. She was ready. Waking up Friday morning she realized she had nothing left to do. She had first packed up any items she though Rose would want and shipped them to her. She kept a few items herself, and donated the rest of his clothes. Most everything else in the small house had belonged to her, as Chris hadn't been in the house much over the past year. Still, everything in the house reminded her of him and that hurt. So she decided to redecorate. Each room got a new coat of paint; the furniture was either replaced or rearranged. The physical work of painting and cleaning and shoving furniture around helped her to work through her pain. Everything was different except for the bedroom. Crawling under the sheets in the bed she had shared with her fiancé felt like a giant hug from Chris each evening when she went to bed and every morning when she woke up._

_But Friday, she was done. She was done crying and done redecorating. Nothing left to paint, nothing left to clean. After a quick shower, Alex pulled on a clean outfit, grabbed her purse and jumped in her car. Pulling into the Navy yard sent a warm feeling through her heart. She had missed work, and missed her friends. They had been by to visit, bringing her food, but she longed to be back at the office. She missed the jokes and the laughter. She missed the sound of Gibbs hand bouncing off the back of Tony's head._

_The elevator ride to the bull pen had been excruciatingly long. She burst out of the elevator full speed and ended up on top of Tony in the hallway. "Hey Alex! I missed you too" _

_Alex laughed and stood up, reaching out a hand to pull Tony off the floor. McGee, Gibbs and Kate stood to watch Alex and Tony get to their feet._

"_What are you doing here Alex?" Gibbs asked flatly "You aren't supposed to be back until Monday" _

"_I know" Alex hugged Kate and McGee "But I was getting so bored, I thought that I could at least come in and help Abby in the lab, you know, get caught up on what's happening in the office before I'm back on Monday" Alex turned and hugged Gibbs last._

_Gibbs returned the hug but said nothing. _

_Alex moved back to Kate's desk "So Kate, maybe you could come over this weekend? Hang out? Talk? I could reall-"_

_Tony interrupted "Wow, this is seriously like my ultimate fantasy. The two of you, a weekend alone… Probie, are you listening to them?"_

"_Tony, I…" McGee started, but was cut off by Kate._

"_DiNozzo! Shut up and mind your own business. And yes, Alex, let's get together. We'll figure out something lat-"_

"_DiNozzo, get the sedan. McGee, Kate grab your gear. You" Gibbs pointed at Alex. "Aren't going anywhere. You'll stay down with Abby until we get back" He stepped closer to Alex "Is that clear?"_

_Alex nodded and watched her team pile into the elevator. Once the door had closed, she contemplated following behind but something in Gibbs voice left no room play. He was angry. It was unlike him, but maybe he hadn't slept well. Whatever it was, she decided to follow her orders and took the stairs two at a time down to Abby's lab._

_The two women spent the day playing around on the computer. Until the team returned with whatever evidence they might need analyzed, they had nothing special to do. Abby filled Alex in on the drama with the return of the terrorist Ari. Alex was upset that her team had kept her clueless on the fact that he had been targeting Gibbs team members and then frightened that he could've gotten to her and she wouldn't have been prepared._

"_Gibbs had a surveillance team around you 24/7. We wanted to tell you, but you know… you've had a hard time lately. We didn't want to add to the stress. I think Gibbs had just hoped to have the whole case solved before you got back."_

_Alex could understand. She wasn't thrilled, but she understood. She thought back to when Ari had Kate, Ducky and Gerald held hostage in the morgue. She could deal with scary situations, but when the scary situation was in your own home, yes NCIS was her home, it took on a whole different meaning._

_They both looked up at the sound of the door opening and gasped when they saw Gibbs and Tony walk, their heads down, into the lab. Tony looked like he had blood on his face, a fine spray that had been haphazardly wiped away._

_Abby and Alex look from Tony to Gibbs to each other and then back to the two men._

"_Kate? McGee?" Abby asked._

"_Where are they?" Alex continued._

_A moment of silence passed before Gibbs started. "McGee is up at his desk, making a phone call."_

"_And Kate?"_

_Gibbs couldn't look them in the eyes as he said, "Ari"_

_For the second time in as many weeks, Alex wasn't sure whose arms broke her fall as her world went black._

_**/Flashback****_

_**---**_

Alex had lost track of time, and looked up to see that her friends would arrive within the next ten minutes. Slowly she pulled herself up from the sofa and walked barefoot to the kitchen. She pulled out the supplies for nachos and was busy grating cheese when Ziva knocked.

"It's open!"

Ziva pushed the door open, stepped inside and nudged it shut again with her foot. She rounded the corner of the kitchen and started to put the Ben and Jerry's ice cream in the freezer when she noticed her friends red eyes. She was just about to ask what was wrong when Abby walked in.

"Alex! Ziva, what did you do to her?"

"What? I did nothing, I just got here. Alex, are you ok?"

Alex sighed and then let a small smile play on her lips. "I'm ok, I was just remembering. Chris and…"

"and Kate" Abby finished.

Alex nodded, "I think it might be a rough couple of weeks coming up, but I've got great friends. I'll be fine."

"Yes. You will be fine. We are here for you. And Abby, I know you miss Kate. I am here for you as well" Ziva didn't do sensitive very well, but she knew her friends needed to hear it.

"Dinner is ready. Abby, lady, pour that wine" The three girls settled into the chairs around the circular dining table. As the wine flowed freely their conversations turned from work cases, to co-workers and the tone went from serious to serious fits of giggles.

"Oh my God, did you guys see the look on poor Tim's face when I said we talked about how big…" Abby laughed wildly and Ziva reached across the table to steady her wine glass. "You know, Gibbs looked pretty shocked as well. Well, as shocked as Gibbs can look" Ziva added.

"Yeah, poor guy, he probably liked the idea of you talking about him" Abby nodded at Alex.

"What? Me? I don't get it?" Alex threw her hands in the air, nearly knocking over the wine glass that Ziva had just steadied.

"You are like a giant book of secrets to him. I still don't think he has you figured out" Abby smiled. "I'm not hinting at anything romantic, although if there was something I assume you would tell us, anyways, it's just that I think he finds you intriguing. I mean, he's got me all figured out. He knows he can bribe me with Caf-Pow, and aboutmycrushonMcGee, but you… you like your mochas but you can't be bought"

Alex took a long sip from her wine glass and then bit her lip to keep from laughing "So what you're saying is that you're easy? And wait, crush on McGee?"

Ziva and Alex waited with anticipation as Abby shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe some ice cream first?"

"Abby!"

"What, I just thought that we could move to the living room, eat some ice cream and then I could spill my guts. Since I obviously have no choice, between the ninja moves and the mini-Gibbs stare, I won't be talking my way out of this one"

Ziva grabbed spoons and Alex grabbed the carton of ice cream. Abby followed them to the living room. Alex positioned a large comfy chair in front of the sofa and then plopped down next to Ziva on the sofa pointing Abby in the direction of the chair. Ziva and Alex sat holding the ice cream between them absentmindedly bringing spoonfuls of ice cream to their mouths while Abby spoke.

"Wow, you really set this up like interrogation"

"Get to the point, Abby"

"I dunno, it's silly really. I just think he's really cute. You know, all geeky and stuff. And I had told Gibbs. He asked me one day, I was feeling frustrated that Tim didn't feel the same way."

"What did Gibbs say?"

"Nothing really, you know that sort of stuff makes him feel uncomfortable"

"You are crazy if you think McGee doesn't feel the same way"

Abby raised her eye brows and reached for the ice cream.

"Ok, do you not see how flustered he gets when people try and leave you two alone? He doesn't know what to say or do. He thinks you're a goddess, or an elf-lordess, or something."

Abby blushed, "right, moving on"

Ziva cleared her throat, "Alright. I have got something". Alex and Abby both snapped their attention to Ziva, and Ziva continued "I have a, a thing, for someone. Maybe" Ziva looked a bit flustered.

"Well, well Zee-vah" Alex laughed doing her best Tony impersonation. "Have we finally realized our feelings for one very special agent DiNozzo?"

Abby set the ice cream down, clasped her hands and squealed.

"Now wait just a minute. I mean, we… we have fun. He makes me laugh even when I do not want to"

"Ziva" Alex started "Tony makes everyone laugh, and everyone, except maybe McGee, has fun around him. Are you trying to say you have fun, like when you went undercover as a couple type of fun? Does he send chills down your spine? Make your heart speed up? Does he charm your pants off?"

"What? My pants have stayed on, thank you very much"

"It's a saying Ziva"

"Oh"

"Well?"

"Yeah, well?" Abby added.

"Yes. He has, what did you say? Charmed my pants off"

The three women burst out in a round of laughter, fueled by their earlier glasses of wine and the sugar from the ice cream. As their giggles settle down Ziva and Abby turn their attention to Alex.

"And you?" Ziva asks Alex on a drawn out breath.

Alex's smile faded slightly before a bigger one appeared on her face, "and me, what? I'm certainly not flirting with McGee or Tony… well, any more than usual. Tony is nice and flirts back, but poor McGee, I think I make him uncomfortable when I flirt with him. Poor Jimmy isn't even remotely my type. I think I'd break him emotionally on our first date"

Ziva sat back and observed. In the past year since Chris had died they hadn't pressed her about dating or feelings for anyone, but Ziva had slowly seen a change. He friend had begun to relax again when they had gone out to a bar after work.

Abby was first to speak, "Of course you'd break Jimmy. Any one of us would. Ducky's lovely mother would. You need a man that is caring, but not smothering. I know you are independent like me. You need someone who is attractive and can handle your beauty. Yup, you're gorgeous. And you need someone who can be strong for you, both emotionally AND physically" Abby winked.

"I swear to God Abby, if I find a personal ad with all that crap written on it and my phone number posted. I will hunt you down. With a combo of ninja skills I've learned from her" Alex pointed at Ziva "and forensic crap I've learned from you… you aren't safe"

"I know, I know. Wait, why would you be reading personal ads? Anyway, I won't post anything. I don't need too. I know the perfect person for you already"

"Abby, I don't read the personals, I was just saying that if you post… oh, never mind. You know someone for me?"

"It's Gibbs, duh!"

The three burst out in laughter again, but Alex was the first to regain her composure. "He kissed me once"

"Alexis Evans, shut your mouth, did he really?" Abby gasped.

"Once, a long time ago, but it was nothing."

"I repeat. Alexis Evans, shut your mouth, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because" Alex lowered her voice "It was the night I found out that Chris died. I was drunk, he was drunk. It wasn't anything, really." They all sat silently.

Uncomfortable with the silence, Alex added "He does have soft lips though"

The three women burst into laughter.


	2. Chapter 2

---

Monday nights were Alex's favorite during the week. Every Monday Alex had a set dinner date with Gibbs. It wasn't a romantic dinner, just down time where they could talk about things other than work. With Chris gone, Alex hated eating alone each night.

This particular Monday, Gibbs was in charge of getting the ingredients and all Alex had to do was show up and help. As she happily pulled out of the driveway, she thought back to their first Monday night dinner

_****Flashback/**_

_Alex knocked firmly on Gibbs door and then she waited._

_Gibbs was shocked when he opened the door to see Alex standing on his front step with two large grocery bags._

"_I brought dinner" Alex walked past Gibbs in to the house "I figured since we're going to be working together now that I've lasted more than just two weeks like your last new agent, and that I will be trusting you with my life, maybe we should get to know each other." Alex paused in the entrance to the kitchen "May I?"_

_Gibbs nodded his approval, a little unsure of what exactly was happening. _

"_So it's nothing fancy, just a chicken. I thought I'd put it in the oven with a little rosemary and garlic, some potatoes and gravy and a salad." Alex busied herself looking for various pots and pans around the kitchen. She started on the chicken and then paused to look at Gibbs who was still watching from the doorway, a look of curiosity on his face._

"_Those potatoes won't peel themselves, you know"_

_Gibbs allowed a smile to creep up on his lips and he stepped forward to peel potatoes. He couldn't remember the last time someone had made him dinner, well besides heating up a frozen meal in the microwave. He almost hadn't opened the door. The rest of the team knew he didn't lock his door and would've just walked in on their own, but it wasn't the time of year for Girl Scout cookies so curiosity had gotten the best of him and he had opened the door._

_Alex had finished the chicken and had placed it in the oven and was chopping a tomato for the salad by the time he put the potatoes on the stove to boil. He watched the determination on her face as she chopped quickly, making sure to avoid chopping into her skin. _

"_You're good with a knife. I'll keep that in mind"_

_Alex winked "It sounds like you've said that before"_

"_I've got three ex-wives…"_

"_And yet, you still live. Amazing. I'm impressed."_

_Gibbs chuckled and gave her a light Gibbs-slap to the back of her head._

_When the salad was finished she turned her attention to the second bag which she had left on the kitchen table. "I wasn't sure what kind of drinker you are. Well besides coffee, so I brought a variety" Alex first pulled two bottles of wine from the bag, a red and a white. Next was a six-pack of beer. After that she pulled out a bottle of sparkling water, a bottle of apple juice and a 2-liter bottle of coke._

"_You sure cover your bases, don't you?"_

"_Well first I was just going to bring a bottle of wine. Then I was thinking, red or white? I know white tends to pair better with chicken, but you never know. Then I got to thinking that maybe you were more of a beer person. Then it crossed my mind that maybe you don't drink. I mean, I figure you to be a drinker. You do drink, don't you? I mean, I'm not saying I think you are an alcoholic, not that I would respect you any less. It's just that if you were an alcoholic, and I've put all this in front of you…"_

_Gibbs was entertained. It crossed his mind to see how long she'd keep talking, but dinner was nearly ready and he was hungry "I'll get the corkscrew"_

_Dinner was surprisingly relaxed. Gibbs talked a little about being a Marine. He could tell that hearing some of his experiences gave her a sense of ease about her boyfriend and his time overseas. He left out the nightmares and the pain, focusing on the brotherhood he felt with his fellow marines and the good experiences he had. Semper fidelis._

_Alex described growing up on the west coast. How she had been a top soccer player at her high school, but a broken ankle during the first game had put her out for the rest of her senior season. She also mentioned that her parents were angry that she had moved to DC with Chris. They like him, but weren't happy at the idea of their only child living on the opposite coast, alone, while her boyfriend was overseas. Gibbs spoke fondly of the rest of the team. Alex smiled as Gibbs explained the head slap that worked so well. _

_At the end of the evening, after she had insisted on cleaning up, Alex started putting the unopened beverages into the refrigerator. "You can just have these, I'm not going to drag them all back out to the car"_

"_For next time" Gibbs offered._

_Alex peeked around the refrigerator door with a wicked smile "You've got to let the food settle before you can commit to suffer through my cooking again"._

"_I'll take my chances. See you next Monday"_

_**/Flashback ****_

Alex pushed Gibbs door open and found him in the kitchen. He was getting ready to make hamburgers. "You're late"

"Gibbs! By like 4 minutes" Alex took her place next to him after washing her hands, and started to mould the raw beef into hamburgers.

"Nice patties"

Alex laughed and did a little shimmy "see something you like, Gibbs?"

Gibbs reached across where she was working; his body close to hers, to reach for the cheese "I was talking about the beef, Lex" his voice was a low whisper.

"I know. I'm good with raw meat" she matched his whisper before tossing her head back in a loud laugh.

Gibbs shook his head and his famous Gibbs-smile washed over his face as he couldn't hold back a laugh. He didn't know how she did it. One minute she was oozing sexual appeal, and the next she was laughing up a storm. She was hard to figure out.

These dinners had become a routine. Every Monday at 6pm Alex would be letting herself in to Gibbs house. Sometimes she brought the supplies with her, or on some days Gibbs would have everything ready. Work was a topic that never came up. They spoke of sports and the weather. Alex teased lightly about his failure to keep up with the latest in technology and like every other Monday dinner, she promised that one day she would buy him a real TV compared to the 20 year old little box down in his basement.

"I don't need a TV"

"Gibbs" Alex sighed disapprovingly "Everyone needs a TV, and a DVD player. Ooh, then we can watch movies!"

"Lex, I don't watch movies"

"That's because you don't have a TV or DVD player, obviously. Everyone watches movies, Gibbs." It was a downhill battle and Gibbs knew it. It was only a matter of time before he was forced to buy an over-priced TV he'd only watch when she was around, and by the sounds of it, a DVD player would soon replace his old VHS player that was boxed up next to his old TV. He didn't know why he still had it, he had long since boxed up and gotten rid of the old VHS's that had belonged to his daughter. They sat quietly for awhile, sipping their beers and enjoying each other's company.

Gibbs was impressed with her strength. When she had return to work, Alex had set aside her pain only to be knocked down again by the death of Kate. With both blows so close to each other, he had been certain she would break down. He could tell that she still had bad days, but slowly the number of good days out-numbered the bad days. Although she was good at hiding her exhaustion, he could tell when she hadn't slept well, if at all, the night before.

After the dishes had been done they moved to the sofa in the living room to have cup of coffee.

"You know, I'm here. If you need to talk"

Alex kept her eyes on the hot coffee in her hands "I know"

They were silent again. Alex sighed. "I wish you had a TV in here. We could be watching CSI Miami right now"

Gibbs smiled "Why would you watch that crap?"

Alex shrugged and renewed her promise "Gibbs, I'm going to get you a TV"

"Yeah, okay" Gibbs replied sarcastically. It was a discussion they had every Monday. He thought nothing of it.

On their next Monday night dinner Alex was unusually silent. She was reading the instruction manual to the new flat screen TV she had bought him.

---

She knew his memory loss wouldn't be permanent, she refused to believe it would be, but even it if was, she would re-introduce herself to Gibbs and they would simply start over. There was nothing else she could do. The explosion had left the team visibly shaken as they fought to re-group and solve the case that put Gibbs in the hospital. Jenny had been the first to arrive at the hospital. She had used her contacts at the white house to get into the restricted area where they were still assessing the damage. Abby arrived second and her endless ramble and Goth looks had persuaded the nurse to allow her to follow in Jenny's footsteps. Alex was next to arrive, slightly buzzed from the birthday party she had been at. Not drunk enough to be sloppy, but had the courage to think she could actually take the doors off the hinges the way she threatened before the nurse pressed the button for the doors to open.

The team took turns keeping a silent vigil, waiting for their boss to wake from his coma. When we finally woke, the phone call from Ducky letting them know that he was awake, but had no memory of the team was just as heartbreaking as the original call that he was in the hospital.

Gibbs frustration grew, as much as he didn't want to be this 'Agent Gibbs' he supposedly was, he couldn't deny the love he felt from the group of people who visited him regularly, feeding him stories of the past years, stories that he found himself wanting to remember more and more.

Alex left Gibbs in Ducky's capable hands on Friday evening. She knew that Gibbs was being released, but she had plans for the weekend, and as much as she wanted to put them on hold, being away for a few days would help her to regroup and pull herself together before returning to work on Monday.

Monday afternoon Alex decided that memory loss was no reason for a Monday night dinner to be skipped, whether he remembered it or not. At 5:59pm Alex pulled up to Gibbs house, grocery bags full of food on the seat next to her. Somewhat reluctantly, Alex turned off her car and slipped the keys into her pocket. She slowly trudged up to the front door and hesitated. Should she push the door open like usual, or should she knock. She didn't want him to be alarmed at someone just walking into his house. She shrugged and pushed the door open. _He'll have to get used to us just walking in, that'll never change,_ she thought to silently to herself as she stepped inside.

Tapping the door shut behind her with her foot she paused to listen for movement in the house. "Gibbs?"

Gibbs stepped through the kitchen doorway, "Its 6:01. You're late"

A smile spread across her face "You remember?"

Alex watched as Gibbs disappeared back into the kitchen, "Not everything. I feel like there are still pieces missing, but more or less I guess I remember. I've got a roast in the oven, that's ok, isn't it? I don't remember if there are any foods you don't like"

"It's perfect"

---

When Gibbs left, announcing his retirement to Mexico two days later, it didn't make Alex sad. It made her furious. While Abby sat quietly in her lab, squeezing farts out of her stuffed hippo with tears rolling down her cheeks, Alex was at the shooting range. His memory loss she could handle, his abandonment she couldn't.

She kept her emotion out of the office. While the others found Tony insufferable, Alex tried to be supportive. It was true, he had molded himself to fit what Gibbs had been, but she knew he was just trying to keep the team from falling apart.

Alex found herself spending more and more time in the director's office. They would chat, discuss work-related cases and occasionally Jenny found herself recalling some of the missions she had been on with Jethro. Alex wasn't trying to pry into their past life as agents together, but both women found it comforting to talk about him without actually talking about him leaving.

When Gibbs returned to help Ziva, Alex thought for a minute that their team would finally be whole again, only to be rudely awaken when he had left again without so much as a goodbye. So when he returned for a second time, Alex refused to let thoughts of their complete team enter her head until the morning they found him back at his desk, after the case had been solved.

Tony, Ziva, McGee and Alex stood in the hallway and watched as he put things back in their place on his desk, like nothing had happened. They played rock-paper-scissors to figure out who would approach him and ask. Alex lost.

Cautiously she approached his desk. She waited until he looked up before speaking "Are you back?"

"Yes"

"For good?"

"Yes"

"Ok then" her voice was cold. She turned and nodded to the others and then sat at her desk.

By the time the team was ready to leave for the evening, things had warmed up a bit in the office. They avoided the subject of Mexico like the plague, and team had let out a collective sigh of relief when Gibbs had declined to join them for lunch at a café down the street.

Gibbs caught Alex by the arm as she passed by, on her way to the elevator to go home for the night "We missed dinner on Monday. How about dinner tonight to make up for it?" He watched as hurt flashed in her eyes, but was relieved when she nodded yes.

"Ok, I'll get supplies"

"I'll see you at six then" Alex pulled her arm free and walked to the elevator.

Alex arrived at 6pm sharp. She wanted to be excited that life would return to the pre-explosion days, but she held back. She wasn't interested in disappointment.

Inside she found Gibbs making a chicken stir-fry. She didn't say anything, just took her place beside him and started chopping vegetables. He stopped and turned to her "I wasn't leaving you and the team" Alex stopped chopping, but the knife remained in her grasp as she turned to look at him. He saw that she was angry and suddenly he realized that he should've waited until the knife was safely in the dishwasher before approaching the subject of his short-lived retirement in Mexico. He was fairly certain she wasn't the first woman stand before him with a knife in her hand. He was sure that ex-wife number two would've done the job, had she not run off with her lover. She must've read his expression, because her eyes dropped to the knife in her hand before she placed it on the counter. He held his breath as she stepped closer to him, her face inches from his. It wasn't what he expected, but he wasn't surprised when she slapped him, hard, across the face.

"You left us. Instead of fighting until the very end, you walked away from us and quit. So yes, you left us"

"I don't have any excuses. I was running away from memories that I didn't want to remember. I should've known that memories are the one thing that you can't escape in life. You know how I feel about apologies"

"You don't believe in them"

"Except when it comes to friends, so I'm sorry"

Alex felt the anger leave her body as she stood on her toes to wrap her arms around her boss' neck. Gibbs hugged her back "Jen said you've spent a lot of time at the shooting range. Can shoot a fly off the wall at 200 yards?"

Pulling out of the hug, Alex left her hands on his shoulders and looked him square in the eye "and don't you forget it". With a laugh she moved back to chop the last of the vegetables.

---

On the exact date, a year after Chris died, no one expected Alex to show up for work. In fact they were surprised when she stepped out of the elevator, mocha in hand chatting cheerfully on her cell phone. Snapping her phone shut as she plopped down in her chair she announced, "My friend Ellie, she's pregnant. She even knows who the father is!"

Tony burst out laughing. He had heard stories of Ellie and her promiscuity during her college years. Gibbs couldn't hold back a chuckle, McGee just rolled his eyes and Ziva smiled. Abby rounded the corner and paused when she saw Alex at her desk. Alex noticed her and smiled "Ellie is pregnant!"

"Does she know who the father is?"

"Yep!"

"Whew, well congrats to her!"

Gibbs broke in the conversation "Lex, should I be worried that you are hanging out with someone who is 'lucky' to know who the father of her child is?"

Alex nearly choked on her mocha "Oh Gibbs, promiscuity isn't a communicable disease. I won't catch it by hanging out with her" Tony stretched out in his chair, putting his feet up on the desk and tucking his hands behind his head. "If it was, I would've caught it long time ago working with DiNozzo. And then I would've slept with McGee."

"HEY!"

"DiNozzo! Get your feet off the desk. Get to work. All of you."

Abby scurried back to her lab and everyone busied themselves in their paper work. One by one they'd glance up occasionally checking for any sign that being at work was too much for Alex. She could feel their eyes on her, and it took all her strength not to shout at them to just ask if they had any questions. She knew exactly what day it was, and she knew exactly where she wanted to be. However, being on display was not part of the deal. Luckily it wasn't long before a phone call came in, and the team was out the door.

It wasn't a hard case, they had found the suspect hiding next door and although he wasn't armed he had been able to put up quite a fight. In the end Alex was tired and hungry and in no mood for dealing with a criminal with attitude. She hadn't dealt much with him at the crime scene, but she had seen the bloody nose he had dished out to Tony and gash above McGee's eye before Ziva had brought him down. When they brought him through the bullpen towards interrogation Alex looked down from above, standing next to Jenny after briefly filling her in on what had happened. Gibbs looked up. She contemplated the relationship between her boss and her boss's boss. No one was really clear on what had happened in the past. She could sense that there were some sort of feelings still involved, but she couldn't figure out how deep they ran.

Gibbs locked his eyes on hers and Alex read the slight nod and moved towards the steps to see what he wanted.

"Yeah, Gibbs?"

"I want you to do the interrogation"

"But…?"

"You can do it. You could use the release. Just don't kill him, please"

"I'll see what I can do" Alex took the files he was holding out for her and made her way to the interrogation door. She took a deep breath and walked in, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Jason Clark looked up and down Alex's frame and smiled. "So, first they send me the sexy, er, good cop, then they send me bad cop?"

"Awww…" Alex cooed "I've never been called the nice cop before. Thank you" She took her place across the table from Jason and sat quietly.

"I'm not talking. You won't make me"

Alex pulled her pocket knife out and examined the blade. The rest of the team watched from behind the window. Confused looks passed between them. This was more Ziva's type of interrogation. She watched the light reflecting off the blade and from the corner of her eye she watched Jason. His eyes grew bigger the longer she played with the knife. She drew the blade down her pointer finger on her left hand. As the blade got to the tip of her finger she pressed a little harder. Suddenly a red spot appeared.

"What the hell is she doing?" Gibb's hissed. He had expected her to yell and scream, perhaps even tip his chair over. Or else she would've charmed him to the point where he didn't know he had confessed until after she left the room. The sight of her tracing her skin with a knife and the sight of her blood, however little, was unexpected.

No one answered.

Again, Alex could feel the lasers reaching her back, coming from Gibbs eyes but she continued. Alex held her finger at eye level and looked at the growing spot of red. He voice was low and steady "You know, this, this is life right here. Without this, you are nothing. You are a cold dead body down in autopsy that feels nothing. Spill enough of this and everything is over. Have you ever thought of exactly how much you need to spill? See?" Alex held her finger closer to Jason. She could tell the sight was making him ill. "I mean, this drop? It's nothing compared to what's still inside. But where is the fine line of life? And Death?"

Alex paused again. He wasn't sure what freaked him out more. The sight of blood or the fact that crazy person was sitting feet from him with a knife and had already cut herself. No telling what she would do to him. Before she could continue Jason confessed.

"Sucker" Alex whispered as she exited interrogation. Her team was standing in the hallway as she exited.

"What the hell was that all about?" Gibbs growled. He was irritated about her speech on life and death.

"What? I got him to confess! Now, if you'll excuse me. I need a Band-Aid"

Gibbs had started to follow, but Tony placed a hand on his shoulder "Boss, it was nothing. She's emotional today. Leave her be."

It was late by the time Alex returned from Abby's lab. The office was nearly empty. For some reason she had taken the stairs and she was glad she did. She heard quiet talking as she rounded the corner. Ziva was sitting on Tony's desk holding an icepack to his nose and using her fingers to brush his hair back. Alex stood back and watched the two. It was a rare tender moment, not something that happened often in the NCIS office.

It reminded her of when Chris had come home from a friendly football game with his friends. He had a black eye and they had curled up on the sofa together. She had held the ice to his face and massaged his shoulders.

She blinked back her tears and turned to exit through the stairs but bumped into Gibbs. "You ok?" His voice was soft. He knew how she felt.

"Yeah, just need to get through tonight and I'm golden"

"I'm here for you if you need to talk"

Alex rolled her eyes in mock sarcasm, "Yeah, because that always works so well for you".

She saw him wince. She hadn't meant for it to come out so harsh. She reached out and squeezed his hand, "but thanks. I know. I'll see you tomorrow."

Gibbs nodded and moved for her to walk past him.

Walking into her living room Alex shivered. Lately she felt like she could feel Chris more and more. It wasn't a comforting feeling. It left her exhausted and moody. Both of which were hard to control at work". After changing into track pants and a t-shirt, Alex settled on the sofa and picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello?" Rose Duncan was laughing when she picked up the phone. Alex could hear the sound of other chatting in the background.

"Rose? It's Alexis"

Rose gasped into the phone. "Alexis!" Alex noted that the chatter had stopped in the background. "Alexis dear, how are you?"

"I'm, I'm fine, and you? I can't believe it's been a year already"

"hmm, dear? Oh yes, I guess you are right. It has been a year. We are doing… we're doing well, honey. I wish we'd hear more from you. How is life at NCIS?"

"NCIS is good"

"Tell me dear, are you seeing anyone these days?"

"No Rose, you know how busy I am at NCIS. No time for that"

"Oh, yes. I remember you were always off running around catching bad guys or down in that lab playing with DNA with your friend Abby. How is she, by the way?"

"Abby is good"

"And the rest of the team?"

"They are good as well. Anyway, Rose. I just thought I'd call. I need to get going. Take care" Alex hung up before Rose had a chance to say anything. Had she really not taken notice to the one year anniversary of her son's death? Alex had been close to Rose, she had called because she figured it would be soothing to hear her voice. She could've called her own parents, but they were still waiting for her to move back to Seattle. They didn't see why she'd want to stay on the east coast without Chris. He was the reason she'd moved there in the first place. She didn't need to hear the list of reasons she should move back.

Pulling a sweatshirt over her head Alex grabbed her purse and headed to her car. She drove around, going nowhere in particular, just circling through town listening to the radio. Deciding she didn't want to go home, she headed in the direction of Ziva's place. She did a u-turn in the parking lot when she spotted Tony's car parked next to Ziva's mini cooper. She was sure her friends wouldn't mind, welcoming her in knowing she was a wreck inside, but it just wasn't something she was willing to interrupt.

She could try Abby's place. But she didn't really want too. Abby was like the energizer bunny and that's not what she needed at that moment. McGee? Nah, he was a good friend, but tended to be uncomfortable in these kinds of situations. He was probably busy at his typewriter anyway.

"Why am I doing this?" Alex whispered quietly to herself. She drove, almost on auto-pilot until she pulled up to Gibb's house. In some ways she was jealous of Gibbs. When he had lost Shannon and Kelly, he had someone to focus his anger on. He hunted down the bastard that took his wife and daughter. Alex didn't have that. She wished she did. She thought it would make her feel better.

Gibb's latest fling, Hollis Mann's truck was parked outside. "Jesus Christ. Tonight isn't my night, is it?" She didn't care for Hollis. None of the team really did, but it was Abby and Alex that would go as far as saying they disliked her. She hadn't really done anything to them, but when she spoke to them, she spoke as if she was above them and that bothered them. They knew Director Sheppard wasn't a fan either, but she wasn't around for the office gossip, so they weren't sure what caused their falling out.

Alex was quiet as she shut her car door. Since she didn't care for Hollis she didn't care if she threw a wrench in their plans. She had no intention of knocking, but hoped that Hollis would at least notice her car parked outside. Making Hollis feel, even slightly flustered was a small victory in Alex's book. Brushing away a wet leaf from Gibbs front step, Alex sat down and looked out over the neighborhood. She wasn't sure how long she had sat there, long enough to see most of the lights in the other houses turn off and a drunken teenager sneak in unsuccessfully as Alex could see the parents were waiting by the door.

Alex smiled. She hadn't had to sneak in. She would simply tell her parents what time she would be home and that was it. No discussion needed. She was pretty good at hiding intoxication as well.

Alex had never been fond of any of his flings, but that's usually what they were, _flings_. A few dates and then they usually fizzled out. Alex didn't have the best track record with his possible love-interests…

_****flashback/**_

"_Last time I'm going to tell you, don't answer my phone, use my computer, read my mail, look through my purse, scan my PDA or touch my cell phone. Ever!" Kate shouted at Tony._

_Tony lifted the phone to his ear, "and an extra side of hash-browns" placing the phone back in the cradle, he continued "Just so we're clear, Kate, I didn't do any of those things, zero, zip, nadda"_

"_Then how did you know where I went for breakfast?"_

_Tony tried to play cool before McGee broke in "Logo on your coffee cup in your wastebasket"_

"_Anyone invite you into this conversation, probie?"_

"_You looked through my trash?" Kate was livid._

"_Did you say it was off limits, huh, did you?"_

"_Why do you do these things?"_

_Alex rounded the corner "He was sharpening his investigative skills…"_

"_Hey, that was very Gibbs like, how'd you do that"_

"_You're loud, DiNozzo" Gibbs followed behind "Grab your gear, we've got a dead sailor"_

_Dion Lambert had been heard by a telemarketer, when the line went dead, the telemarketer had freaked and called 911. There was no body at the scene, but the amount of blood was alarming._

_During the investigation Gibbs had met Karen Wilkerson. McGee and Tony thought she was hot, in a sort of school-teacher type of way, but a red flag had popped up for both Kate and Alex._

"_Personally, I think she walks like a man" Alex said two days later as she paced in Abby's lab. It was Saturday and Gibbs had given them the day off, but something just didn't sit right so Abby and Alex were putting in extra hours. _

"_Ooh, maybe the boss man is into that sort of thing" Abby giggled as she tapped a command into her computer. When the computer beeped a few minutes later they both stared at the screen. _

"_So basically, whoever shot him was smoking Llamas" Abby said_

"_Llamas… where have I seen those"_

"_I don't know, we should call Gibbs, I haven't gotten a match on the DNA, but it says it's a woman. But she's not in the system. Where is he anyways?"_

"_Its Saturday, he's… oh, sick, I know where he is" A light bulb went off "He's with Karen. I'll pay them a visit"_

_As Alex drove to Gibbs she knew she'd have to play this carefully. The door was open, as always, but rather than walk normally, Alex stuck to the floor board she knew were silent. Quietly she opened the door to the basement, they were down there. She couldn't see them, but she knew. Here goes nothing, she though as she started down the stairs._

"_Oh that's disgusting, Gibbs" Alex said stomping down the stairs. Gibbs was leaning into Karen, kissing her against the frame of his boat "Get a room"_

_Gibbs pulled back but didn't show embarrassment. Karen blushed. "It's my basement, Lex. What do you need?"_

"_We've had a break in the case"_

"_A break?"_

"_Yeah, Abby and I were in the lab all night trying to figure this out"_

"_and…. You plan on telling me?"_

"_Patience oh fearless leader, it's been a long night. I'm stressed. Can I bum a smoke?" Alex nodded to the pack of cigarettes sticking out of Karen's purse._

"_Sure, of course" Karen handed her a cigarette before placing one between her own lips. Hmm, this'll be easier than I thought, Alex mused. Gibbs looked at Alex curiously, she didn't smoke, but she was obviously up to something. He decided to let her play her game a little longer._

_Tentatively Alex brought the cigarette to her lips and waited as Karen pulled her lighter out to light it. _

"_So… a break?" Karen asked, lighting her own cigarette._

"_Yes"_

"_You know who did it?"_

"_Not for sure, we've still got some tests to run, but I think we're getting closer" Alex turned to her purse._

"_Lex, did you come here to tell us that you think you might know AFTER you run some tests?"_

"_Basically" Alex turned to face them again, "Yes" she said with the cigarette hanging out of the corner of her mouth. She had now put on a pair of gloves and held an evidence bag in one hand. Alex stepped forward and dropped her cigarette into the mug that Karen had been drinking bourbon from. "The DNA we found on the cigarettes shows that the shooter was a woman. We also narrowed down that the brand was Llamas, and they aren't very common around here, yet, it seems to be your brand of choice. Now, for his sake, I hope this doesn't match what we've got" Alex pulled the cigarette from Karen's lips and dropped it in the bag._

_Gibbs watched silently._

_With the evidence tucked securely in her purse Alex walked back over towards Karen and spit into her drink "Uh that was gross. How do you smoke those things? Anyways, don't go far. I'll be in touch" Alex caught Gibbs eyes before starting up the stairs. She stopped and dug through her purse before tossing a pack of gum at Karen "Chew on this, smoking kills" she paused and thought for a moment "but I guess so do you"_

_**/flashback ****_

Alex was still lost in thought when the front door opened slowly "Lex, what are you doing here?" Gibbs peered down at the woman on his front step.

"Sitting"

"Why here? Why are you on my front porch?" Gibbs shut the door behind him and took a seat next to Alex.

"There was a bum sleeping on my local park bench?"

"You could've come in. My door is always open"

"I know Gibbs, you really should lock your door, you've got drunken teenagers running through the neighborhood, especially over in that house" Alex pointed "But you've got company. And trust me; I'm fine sitting out here. I just don't want to be home. I don't want to be anywhere really, but your front step is better than home"

"I meant that my door is always open for you to come in. It doesn't matter if I've got company, Lex. You can always come in" Gibbs wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

"Right"

"Jethro what are yo-" Hollis stepped out on the front step.

Gibbs felt Alex tense. She didn't pull away, but her back tensed. "Alex is out here, I think she could use some company"

"Alexis, honey you should've called" Hollis tried her best to sound soothing.

Gibbs held back a smile as he could practically feel Alex rolling her eyes. He knew she objected to being called Alexis, and calling her both Alexis and honey was the equivalent of calling her a small child. Hardly audible to him, he heard her reply "I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth".

"C'mon. Let's get you inside"

Alex stood to face Gibbs "No. Thank you. I'll call Jenny" Then turning to Hollis she added, "The director". She knew that of everyone in NCIS Hollis disliked director Shepard the most.

Hollis feigned interest "Oh, there you go. Call Jenny, a great idea"

Alex walked down the steps and perched on the hood of her car with her back to Hollis and Gibbs who she had left standing on the front porch. It was late, but she knew Jenny would be awake. Before she had been able to say anything Jenny had simply said "Come on over, I'll put some hot water on".

As she pushed off the car she looked back to see Gibbs still standing on the front porch. She had hoped he would've gone inside. The rebel within wanted nothing more than to leave a little scratch on Hollis' truck, that, she decided, would have to wait.

Gibbs looked hurt as she drove away. And he was. Out of everyone he knew that he was the only one who truly understood her pain. And just when she would get close to understanding that he truly understood and wasn't just another person to tell her everything would be ok, she'd leave. When he went back inside he was put off by Hollis' attempts to lead him upstairs. He shrugged her off and went down to his boat.

Jenny was waiting by the door when Alex showed up.

"Where were you?"

"Gibbs."

"Hollis?"

Alex nodded, "She called me Alexis and then she called me honey".

"Bitch"

Alex muffled a laugh.

"Well, she is"

"I know" Alex accepted the mug of hot cocoa.


	3. Chapter 3

---

Over the next few weeks things returned to normal with the exception of the anniversary of Kate's death. It happened to be on a Sunday, so the entire team met for breakfast and ended up spending several hours together remembering her. Ziva had joined for awhile, wanting to support her team, but it was hard. It had been her half-brother that had killed their friend, and she had been the one to kill him.

Two weeks after that Alex would've said life was finally back to normal. Gibbs had been spending more and more time at work, which meant only one thing. His relationship with Mann was coming to an end. While Tony and Ziva focused their extra attention on each other, and McGee spent his extra moments wrapped up in a plot for a new book, Abby and Alex took notice in every sign that Gibbs was one step closer to breaking it off with Hollis. They all but had a countdown calendar hanging in Abby's lab.

Gibbs decided to ignore their childish behavior. He knew they didn't like Hollis. He didn't really either, not anymore. He couldn't be with anyone whom his team didn't approve of. His team was his family, the only family he had left, and as childish as they often were, he wouldn't alienate them. Since Hollis had become a steady part of his life, he hadn't spent as much time outside of work with his team. Nights of poker with the team at Tony's had been replaced by a night at some show Hollis claimed to be interested. Tea at Ducky's had been replaced by fancy dinners at the latest restaurants that Hollis had read about. He still had Monday night dinners with Alex, but more and more frequently Hollis would show up and cut the evening short.

Hollis had just become a familiarity. It was nice to have a warm body lying next to him at night. He was a private person, so he decided not to announce his break up the way Alex would announce her Tetris score or how Tony would announce his latest fling – well, until Ziva had become that on-going fling. He decided to tell Ducky. He could see out of the corner of his eye that Abby was in the hallway. If Abby knew, then Alex would know. It wouldn't stay a secret for long. He knew if he had a true secret, it wouldn't spread, but this? This was good news to his team. It would spread like wildfire.

Abby was back in her lab and on the phone calling Alex down before Gibbs could finish the story to Ducky.

"What?" Alex gasped, out of breath from running down the stairs "What's the emergency?"

"Shh, not here" Abby grabbed Alex's hand and pulled her towards the elevator. They passed Gibbs and Abby shouted "we're going for coffee, DNA match is on the desk"

Gibbs smiled. _Nope_, he thought, _that didn't take long at all_.

Abby was quiet until after they ordered their drinks, but she kept a smile plastered on her face.

"You ready to spill?" Alex asked, curiosity plastered on her face.

"Outside, let's go to the park. Walls have ears, you know"

They found a bench to sit on, and Alex turned to Abby and shook her shoulders "You can't hold out on me anymore, Abby! What's going on?"

"Gibbs and Hollis broke up!!" Abby squealed.

Alex choked on her coffee and laughed. "About damn time, how do you know?"

"It's kinda like that website, , except it's a little different. It's called "

"Ooh, I have got to check that website more often. This is good news. I'm tired of her marching through the bullpen like she's part of our business. I have to congratulate him"

"Wait! You can't! He doesn't know that I know."

"Abby, did you see the look on his face when we passed him? He knows."

They linked arms as they walked back to the office. They paused around the corner from the bullpen. They saw that Gibbs was at his desk. Alex knew they couldn't just ignore it. Gibbs knew that they knew, and would be expecting some sort of remark. Abby waited by the water cooler as Alex strode confidently towards Gibbs desk. She paused in front him, "I heard the news…" Alex bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Hold that thought" Alex swallowed her laugh as she returned to Abby. "I don't know if I can do this".

"Go, go, go"

"Right, I can do this" Alex returned to her spot in front of Gibbs and waited for him to peer up at her. Tony, Ziva and McGee watched cautiously, unaware of what had happen. His eyes met hers and he dared her to continue "I heard the news. Congrats" Gibbs raised an eyebrow, avoiding showing any emotion. Alex rolled her eyes "Or, sorry for your loss. Take your pick" And with that Alex moved to the chair at her desk.

Ziva, McGee and Tony shot looks to each other and then turned to their computers. Three IM windows popped up on Alex's screen.

**ItalianStallion**_: Details, darlin'?_

**ZivaD**_: What have I missed?_

**TMcG**_: ???_

Alex responded to them all the same using their nickname for Hollis.

**Lexus:** _Manneater is gone._

"Get to work everyone" Gibbs barked.

They all closed their windows and smiled inwardly. They continued with their work, the never ending pile of paperwork seemed to pile up faster than they could get through it. Gradually they all drifted in different directions. Gibbs headed up to the director's office, Alex made her way to Abby and McGee and Tony went in search of Ducky for some answers on their most recent case.

Ziva sat alone in the bullpen. The quiet was refreshing. It's not that she couldn't get any work done otherwise, but Tony was such a distraction. It didn't matter if he was flirting with her, or teasing McGee. He was a distraction. She almost didn't look up as the elevator _dinged_.

A man stood uncomfortably in the door way and scanned the bullpen. There was something familiar about him, but she just couldn't place it.

"Hello, I'm looking for special agent Evans"

"Hold on, she's…" Ziva suddenly felt the presence of Gibbs peering over the railing from above and McGee and Tony coming up from the stairs. "She's downstairs, I will call her up". Ziva picked up her phone and dialed the lab. Her eyes scanned at the men in the room until Alex's voice came on the line. "Alex, you have a visitor" Ziva hung up.

Tony, McGee and Gibbs closed in on the man within seconds. The ding of the elevator signaling that Alex was about to enter the bullpen was just the jolt Ziva needed. Slowly she turned her head to look at Alex's desk. The photo on her desk wasn't clear, but she had seen it hundreds of times before. This was that man.

Ziva jumped to her feet at the same time as Alex stepped out of the elevator.

Alex paused behind the man standing in front of her. "Can I help…" Her voice trailed off as the man turned around. Alex couldn't have described the feeling that took over her body as she dropped to the floor, steadied by several pairs of arms.

The first thing felt as she started to regain consciousness was a gentle hand in her own. She squeezed it. "Oh, Alexis, my dear, I do wish you'd stop ending up in my office this way" Ducky squeezed back. She opened her eyes expecting to see Ducky peering down at her, but was met by Gibbs blue eyes.

"Gibbs, I had the strangest dream. What happened?" When Gibbs didn't answer she thought back to her dream. "It was so, so real"

Tony walked into Autopsy "Boss, he wants to know if she's… Alex, you're awake"

"It wasn't a dream?" Alex asked herself. She stumbled as her feet hit the ground, but pushed past Gibbs who tried to steady her. She didn't bother waiting for the elevator and rushed up the stairs. The bullpen was empty, so she took the stairs to meeting room one. The door was cracked open and she saw Ziva sitting back in a chair. Alex flung the door open and saw Chris sitting opposite Ziva. Slowly she took a step forward and watched as Chris stood to face her.

She couldn't help the smile the broke out across her face. She launched herself into Chris' arms. She had dreamt of a similar situation many times, only she had imagined he would be all dirty and still in his uniform, having just escaped from being held captive. After an eternity of remembering, remembering his smile, his hugs, his smell, his kiss, Alex pulled back. "How? When? I've missed you so much, Chris" Tears welled up in her eyes instantly, and she could no longer see him in front of her.

Chris' eyes darted to Ziva and then to Tony and Gibbs in the doorway. "Sit down, sweetie". He turned to the other agents. "Could we have a minute, please?"

Gibbs and Tony opened their mouths to protest. Ziva didn't move.

"Chris, they are my team, my friends. They, they've helped me. They can be here too" Alex wiped the tears from her eyes and felt her gut tighten. This couldn't be good.

Chris felt uneasy. He crossed to the far side of the room.

"Lexus, I was hurt…"

"I know, but you died? Your mom called. Oh God, we have to call your mom!"

"My mom knows I'm alive. I've been staying with her"

A puzzled look flashed on Alex's face. The blood drained from Gibbs face when he realized where this conversation was going. He wanted nothing more to pound his fist into Chris' face, but he knew that Alex didn't need to see that. Not at this point. Instead he turned and stepped out of the room to wait outside.

"Lexus, I was hurt real bad. I didn't want you to… I couldn't let you see me like that. I wasn't sure if I'd survive and if I did, I wasn't sure if I would be able to walk. I couldn't be there for you the way you needed me, so…"

"So it was a joke?" Alex jumped up from her chair. Tony stepped forward to support her not wanting a repeat of her fall downstairs.

"No!" Chris stepped forward and reached out.

"You faked your own death to get away from me" Alex looked back to her fellow agents "Sounds like a joke to me" Turning back to Chris, she felt nauseous "I need a minute, but then we need to talk. Alone" Alex lifted her head high and walked out of the room and back down to the bullpen and sat at her desk. She fiddled idly with her gun, as all the pain from the last year burst to the surface.

She watched as Palmer hurried past her desk, obviously late from his lunch break. He gave her a weak smile and kept going.

Jamming her gun into her pocket and out of sight, Alex swiveled in her chair to look up at Tony. She nodded to him and he turned to say something. Moments later Chris was making his way down the stairs. The expression on his face was pained, but Alex didn't care.

She pushed herself up slowly from the chair and walked towards a conference room. She held the door open, and as Chris walked past her in to the room, he reached out to touch her cheek. Alex closed her eyes as his finger made contact with her skin. Just an hour ago she would've given up her right leg to feel his caress one last time. Now she had to fight back the wave of nausea it sent through her body. She shut the door and reminded herself to breathe.

"So… Why are you here?"

"Lexus, I love you. I'm here for you. I feel like myself again. I can walk. I'm ok"

Alex turned to face Chris "First of all, you lost the right to call me Lexus. Hell, after today you've the right to call me anything at all. Secondly, you asked me to marry you. That includes in sickness and in health. So I guess all that was a joke too?"

"No! None of it was a joke. I was hurt. And… and.. I don't know. I didn't want to be a burden to you the rest of your life"

"Don't you think that should've been my decision? I agreed to marry you, you know. That meant in sickness. I agreed to it. If I had been so shallow as to not want you as a burden I would've said so. But you know me! I never would've done that. I loved you!"

"Alex-"

"No! Do you have any idea how hard my life has been the past year? I thought my life was over. I've relied on my friends here more than I ever thought possible. Do you know how much alcohol I've consumed? How much money I spent on re-decorating? Hell, now I just feel like burning it to the ground" Alex could hardly see again as the tears began to come quicker. She moved to the opposite side of the room. "I convinced myself that you were some sort of hero who died in war. I keep your picture on me at all times" Alex dug the photo out of her wallet, crumpled it and threw it Chris.

Her hand return to her pocket where her gun was, she wanted him to feel loss like she had. She wanted him scared.

---

Gibbs, Tony, Ziva and McGee waited outside the door. They couldn't hear anything, so that meant Alex wasn't yelling; yet.

Jenny paused and peered down the hallway. Nearly the entire team was hanging around in the hallway. She would expect it of Tony, maybe McGee, but Gibbs? Something was off.

"And just what might you guys be doing?" Jenny was slightly irritated.

Gibbs eyes never left the door. Tony turned to Jen and put a finger to his lips. Ziva grabbed her arm and moved her a few steps away to explain the situation.

When Palmer past the same hallway again he paused at the group of agents, including the director, listened at the door. "Um, what's going on in there?"

"Alex" McGee answered as if it would answer Palmers question. Ziva pulled him away and explained the same way she had for Jenny.

"You let her in there with a gun? Wow, with something like this, I wouldn't think she'd have much control"

Gibbs was in his face faster than he could blink, "A gun?"

Palmer shifted uncomfortably "um… well, yeah. I just walked by her when she was at her desk. She had her gun in her hands"

Gibbs covered the space between Palmer and the door, and had the door open before Palmer could finish. Gibbs opened the door to find Alex on the far side of the room holding a gun to her head, her eyes were red and her cheeks were wet with tears. She was yelling at Chris who stood across the room. His hands were held out, begging her to put the gun on the table.

"How do you feel, Chris? How do you feel at this very moment" Alex screamed. She saw the door open and the look on Gibbs face followed by the look on the other faces broke her heart. They weren't supposed to see this.

"Alexis" There was a weakness in Gibbs voice.

She held up her hand to stop Gibbs from walking closer and continued yelling, "You feel that? The tightening in your chest, the difficulty breathing? That's how I felt. That's how I felt for months!" Alex lowered the gun. "You felt that for seconds and you look ready to cry like a baby. I had to live with it for months. I never want to see you again? Understand? If you see me walking on the street, you'd better cross to the other side, or step inside a shop until I'm gone. Better yet, go back to the West coast and live with your mother. I don't want to hear from her either"

Alex gave a sad laugh and removed the clip from her gun to show that it was empty "I wouldn't kill myself over you".

The team was paralyzed as she walked past. Never before had Alex seen such a look of terror, anger and sadness in Gibbs eyes. She regretted the fact that they had walked in during that point. She had removed the bullets while sitting at her desk. She liked drama and knew that waving a gun around in front of Chris would dig into his heart, but she hadn't planned on her team seeing it. She would have to apologize at some point.

Alex got in her car and drove. She drove for hours. When it started to get dark she pulled through a drive-through and ordered a burger. She took two bites and threw the rest away. Pulling into her own driveway she looked around. On the off chance that Chris was waiting around for her to get home, she wanted to be able to drive away. Satisfied that he wasn't around, she got out and went inside. After shutting the door Alex walked around the house. There was no way she'd stay the night in that house. She went to the kitchen and reached deep into one of the cabinets.

Back in her car, she couldn't drive fast enough. Pulling onto Gibbs street she was shocked at the number of cars parked. _Wait a minute, the mini cooper? That was Ziva's car. And the hearse? That belonged to Abby_. Across the street she saw Tony's car and behind it was McGee's. Ducky had pulled his car into the driveway. _This should be fun._

Alex pushed the door open as quietly as she could. She could hear the chatter of the team coming from the basement.

"I'll kill him. I won't leave any evidence. I promise" She heard Abby's voice. She was halfway down the stairs before they noticed her.

"Had I known there was a group meeting, I would've brought more" Alex held up two bottles of bourbon.

The team shifted uncomfortably as they watched her. All except Gibbs, he refused to look at her. The first to move was Abby. She launched herself at Alex and held her in a tight hug. "We were so scared" Abby pulled back and after a moment's hesitation slapped Alex across the face. Not hard enough to leave a mark, but hard enough to get her point across and then wrapped her arms around her friend again "I can't believe you held a gun to your own head!"

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't think you guys would see that. I mean, I emptied my gun first. I had no intention of shooting myself. I really am sorry. After what I went through, losing him and then Kate… I would never leave you guys intentionally, I swear. I'll never do it again. I promise." Alex looked from person to person. She watched them all nod, understanding her logic. Everyone except Gibbs, he still refused to meet her gaze.

The team felt the tension and slowly began moving towards the stairs as a group. Alex kept watching Gibbs as one by one her friends kissed her cheek as they passed by and moved up the stairs to leave. When she heard the door shut for the last time she prayed that Gibbs would say something first. She had no idea what she could possibly say, especially after she had seen the look of terror in his eyes earlier.

"Gibbs, I'm so sorry"

He was across the room in a flash, his hands on her shoulders, angrily shaking her "What. Were. You. Thinking?"

Alex wanted to cry. The reality of what she had done slowly started to sink in. She could only imagine the pain and terror she would feel if she had walked in on Gibbs doing the same thing "I wasn't thin-"

She didn't have a chance to finish. Gibbs pulled her into a tight hug. With one hand at the back of her neck and the other on the small of her back, Gibbs held her tight to his body. The fresh scent of her shampoo sent him over the edge and for the first time in his adult life since Shannon and Kelly died, Gibbs cried.

Alex soon realized that Gibbs wasn't supporting her, she was supporting him; figuratively and literally. She was fairly sure that if she had stepped backwards, he would've fallen to the floor. She tightened her grip around his shaking torso and let him cry. When she sensed he was finished, she let go briefly so they could slide down to the floor. They sat, backs against the work bench without saying anything, until Alex grabbed one of the bottles of Jack. She tossed the cap to the floor and took a long drink. Gibbs reached for the bottle and Alex swatted his hand away and said "hey, get your own" as she reached for the second bottle and handed it to him.

He shook his head and took the opened bottle from her hand. "You aren't going to kill yourself with alcohol tonight. You can share this bottle"

Reluctantly Alex handed over the bottle. "I… I wasn't going to kill myself, you know?"

"Do I?"

"Gibbs! Life has gotten back to normal at NCIS, you dumped the Manneater, uh, Hollis and now I can breathe freely at the office and not worry about 'her' prancing around. I couldn't kill myself. I couldn't do that to you"

"How does the end of my relationship with Hollis have anything to do with this?"

Alex thought for a moment and took another swig from the bottle "It doesn't"

"Then I don't… never mind. You really didn't like her, did you?"

"Oh Gibbs, she was such a bitch"

"And you…?"

"Oh, completely a bitch, but it's different, you see…"

"Lex, I really don't want to know"

"Oh, well, back to the point Gibbs. I would never kill myself. Not for anyone. Except maybe you"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It just means that I worry about you and if something happened to you, I think my life would end"

"You worry about me? I wasn't the one with a gun to my head"

"An unloaded gun to my head, I'm not crazy, I'd never put a loaded gun to my head"

"You worry about me?"

"Special agent Gibbs, you are a quiet person, but I'm ok with that, because while you don't say much, your eyes are like the BBC. They broadcast everything".

Gibbs just raised an eyebrow. _Maybe she was crazy, or drunk? Though she hasn't had much to drink at this point… _

"I know you hurt, Gibbs. I can see it." Alex pushed herself to her feet and Gibbs did the same.

"How did this turn into something about me?"

Alex walked to the base of the steps and turned to face Gibbs again. He saw a tear well up and roll down her cheek. "Because Gibbs" Alex whispered "I'm tired of it always being about me. Poor Alex, she has to move across the country to be with her boyfriend. Poor Alex, her boyfriend is leaving for Afghanistan. Poor Alex her boyfriend died. Poor Alex, her boyfriend really only pretended to die." Hastily Alex wiped the tear away and walked up the stairs.

Gibbs gave her a few minutes before following her upstairs. He found her sitting with her knees tucked to her chest on his sofa. "That's not what I think, you know"

"Think what?"

"Poor Alex"

Alex waited for him to continue.

Gibbs thought for a moment before sitting next to her "I don't think 'poor Alex', if I have given you that impression, then I'm sorry. I can't help but think of how strong you are."

"Strong?" Alex turned to face him "Gibbs, I held a gun to my head"

Gibbs pulled her legs out over his lap and rested his hands on her knees "An unloaded gun, remember? You've been through so much in the past year. Anyone would've broken down. I kept waiting for you to break, but you didn't. You are the strongest person I know"

Alex leaned her head on the back of the sofa "Gibbs, have you looked in the mirror lately? Look at yourself? You lost your wife and your child and you still wake up each morning. I lost my fiancé, who, as it turns out, was faking the whole thing and I hold a gun to my head. Yes, unloaded, but still, you won't see my face on one of those inspirational posters for strength."

"Me either"

"Ah, c'mon Gibbs. You've got the face for it. Flash a little smile. Lots of people go for the whole silver hair thing, silver-haired fox, as Abby calls you. I wouldn't be surprised to see your face in the hallway of a local high-school"

Gibbs smile faded, "I did the same thing once"

"Held an unloaded gun to your head?"

"Loaded"

Alex hesitantly reached out and softly gripped Gibbs chin, turning his face towards hers "When?"

"After they died and after I killed the man that killed them. I sat on a beach…"

"What made you put it down?"

"I don't know"

"Do… you still get the urge?"

Gibbs nodded "It used to be every day, but now… some days I do and some days I don't. I guess it just depends on the day"

"Gibbs you won't? You wouldn't…"

When she didn't get a reply Alex brought her hand inches from Gibbs face and snapped her fingers, bringing his gaze up to meet her eyes. "Hey, you have to promise me you won't, won't do anything you can't take back, something stupid, will you?"

Gibbs thought for a moment. He looked at the woman sitting in front of him. He had watched her go from extreme joy and happiness at the sight of her presumed dead fiancé to heartbreak in less than three seconds. Her heart had been ripped out and stomped on a million times, yet hours later here she was concerned about his well-being. It confused, yet comforted him at the same time. "No."

"No?" Alex swung her legs off his lap and jumped up. "What do you mean, no? Leroy Jethro Gibbs, you have to promise me you won't do something stupid? If you don't, I'm going to, I don't know, stalk you or something. Abby and I can take shifts. I bet the rest of the team would help too. We could put one of those tracker ankle things on, just in case you sneak away…"

Gibbs reached out his hand and waited for Alex to take it "No. As in, no I won't do anything dumb."

Alex sighed as she dropped back onto the sofa and rested her head in her hands. Gibbs tenderly placed a hand on her back, "The same goes for you, you know?"

Alex peeked out from her hands, "I'll try to refrain from holding unloaded guns to my head"

Gibbs lightly tapped the back of her head. "And as much as I would like to hurt him myself, stay away from him, ok? Again, nothing that you'll regret"

"Gibbs, I'm more of a slashed tire or broken windshield type of girl. Nice scratches alongside his car or something. As much as I'd like to hurt him, it would mean seeing him again"

"Slashed tires and broken windshields? Is that what happened to Hollis' tire when she was late for our date at the opera? When I had to watch the first act alone"

"I may or may not have been involved" Her soft laughter was interrupted by a yawn.

"It's late, you need some sleep. You can stay here" Before she could answer Gibbs was moving upstairs towards the bedrooms. He met her in the hallway with a clean t-shirt. "Here, you can sleep in this". Alex took the shirt and after digging out a travel size tooth brush from her bag, went to the bathroom to change, wash her face and brush her teeth. When she opened the bathroom door, she saw that the lights downstairs had been turned off. She didn't see Gibbs, so she crossed the hallway to the guest bedroom. Gibbs watched silently from the doorframe of his bedroom. The t-shirt he had given her fell mid-thigh, he had to admit, it was a nice sight. He shook the thought from his head. He went back to his room to change into a clean shirt and a pair of sweatpants. After that he went and peeked into the guest room to make sure she was comfortable. He found her sitting on the edge of the twin size bed. Her face was covered by her hands and he heard her soft cry as her shoulders shook.

Gibbs sat down beside her and wrapped his arms around her. At first he thought she might try to shake him off, she never had been one to make a big show of her emotions, at least not until she was waving a gun around, but instead she just leaned into him and let him hold her while she cried.

"He… faked…. death. To get away from… me" Alex sobbed into Gibbs chest. "I… thought he… loved…" Alex trailed off.

Gibbs held her tighter and mumbled into her hair "He wasn't good enough"

"But…" Alex continued to sob.

"Shh, shh… it'll be okay" Gibbs rocked softly. "I promise" As Alex's sobs turned to a soft whimper, Gibbs reached behind her and pulled the covers down. "You need to get some sleep. I can't promise you'll feel better in the morning, but you'll feel worse if you don't sleep"

Alex nodded and wiped her eyes before crawling under the covers. Gibbs waited for her to get settled before pulling the blankets up around her shoulders and leaning over to kiss her forehead. As he started to stand up, Alex reached out and grabbed hold of his arm. "Will you lay here with me until I fall asleep?"

He was having a hard enough time with his own emotions, both his pain as well as his personal feelings for the woman in front of him, but he was able to put those feelings aside. He nodded in agreement and Alex pulled back the covers and scooted over to make room.

Gibbs walked towards the door and switched off the light. He returned to the bed and sat down and grumbled "these things aren't meant for two people" as he slid between the sheets. To make more room Alex rolled onto her side with her back towards Gibbs, at the same time she reached for Gibbs arm and wrapped it securely around her waist.

"I was moving on. I wish he had stayed dead"

Gibbs pulled her tighter to his chest and pressed his face to the back of her neck "No you don't"

"You're right. I saw him as a hero and he's only a jackass. At least I know the truth"

---

When Gibbs woke a few hours later he was still wrapped around Alex. His hand rested on her stomach with hers covering his, and he had a leg over hers protectively. He took one last deep breath, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo before slowly and gently detangling himself from her.

This had been a mistake, sleeping in the same bed with her. Nothing had happened, not that he hadn't wanted something to happen, but now all he could think of was holding her close. He had been thinking about her a lot lately, before all this drama had started. He had rules towards this type of thing, and he wasn't a rule breaker, at least not his own rules. It didn't matter anyway. She was a young, vibrant woman who, once recovered from the latest blow, would spend her weekends with Abby, Tony and Ziva, dancing the nights away at some club that he'd rather not know about; bringing home man after man until she found that special someone to share her life with. He had had that once, he couldn't be selfish enough to think he would find it twice.

Alex woke three hours after Gibbs. Her eyes were slow to focus, but as soon as she was aware of her surroundings she found herself alone on the small bed that she had shared with Gibbs. She sat up and stretched. Her eyes still burned from the crying, but her head was clear. Gibbs had been right, emotionally she didn't feel any better today, but physically she felt stronger.

Quickly she pulled on her jeans from the day before grabbing the rest of her stuff and heading downstairs. On the kitchen table she found a bagel with cream cheese and a glass of juice. Beside it she found a scrap of paper. She picked it up and recognized the handwriting.

_Lex,  
You will not come to work today. I'll call you later.  
-Gibbs_

With the letter in one hand she down the juice and took a bite of the bagel. She contemplated what he had written, she was sure it contained a threat. As if he had wanted to write, _you will not come to work today, or else… _but had taken pity on her and left out the 'threat'.

Alex left the note crumpled on the kitchen table before digging her keys out of her purse and walking to her car. Walking to the driver side of her car she paused briefly when she rounded the hood, dropped her purse and clenched her fists. _That bastard!_

Alex crouched down by the front driver side tire. It was flat; the air had obviously been let out. Standing, Alex noticed a piece of paper, similar to the one that had been left on the kitchen counter. This one had simply read: _No_.

It had obviously been a mistake to admit to Mann's flat tire. She tossed her purse onto the passenger seat and then popped the trunk. She pulled her hair up into a messy pony tail and cracked her knuckles before pulling the cover off her spare tire. She worked hard to get the tire out of her trunk and roll it up next to the flat. Soon she had the car jacked up and various tools scattered around on the ground next to her. It wasn't the first time she'd had to change a tire, but it wasn't a regular occurrence. She looked at the mess in front of her, hands resting on her hips. This would take longer than she thought.

With the spare safely secured into place and the flat back in her trunk, Alex wiped the sweat from her brow. She climbed in to the driver seat and slowly took the slower neighborhood route to her house. Pulling into the driveway she realized that from the time she had seen the flat until she pulled into the driveway, she hadn't once thought of Chris.

A dark cloud of emotion passed across her face as she unlocked the front door. She sighed heavily as she stepped inside and shut the door behind her. She needed to be quick, the place was full of toxic emotion and she didn't want to suffocate. A quick shower eased some of the tension from lifting the tires.

After her shower and after she had pulled on a pair of jeans and bright yellow sweater she returned to the bathroom to apply her makeup. She didn't wear a lot, but the fact that she was applying mascara to her lashes was a dare to herself to not cry. She couldn't have black mascara tracks down her cheeks for the rest of her life, could she?

She debated packing a few outfits, but decided she could return to do that later. She had been in the house long enough and her heart pounded louder and louder against her chest as anxiety tugged at her. Back in her car, she again took the longer, slower route towards the navy yard. Her usual mechanic was just blocks from the NCIS building so she dropped off her car to get the tire replaced and walked the rest of the way to work.

When Alex arrived the bullpen was empty. She saw an unfamiliar face on the plasma and figured they were out on a case. She decided to take the time to clean out her desk. It wasn't messy, but a few things needed to be removed. Sitting down at her desk she noticed that the two pictures of her and Christ that he been displayed on her desk had been over turned, likely due to Abby not wanting his face to be waiting for her when she returned. Alex heard a noise and looked up to see the director looking down at her.

"Hi Jen"

Jenny smiled down at the young woman "Need a garbage bag?"

"You read my mind"

Jenny walked down the stairs and brought a garbage bag with her. She opened the bag when she reached the desk and watched as Alex dropped the pictures, still in their frames into the bag. She continued to hold the bag open as Alex dug through her desk and produced a few more items to be thrown away; an old birthday card, a personalized key chain and what Jenny presumed to be an old love letter. "How are you feeling today?"

"Truthfully? Like shit."

"I thought Gibbs had you taking some time off?"

Alex shrugged "What am I supposed to do? Sit at home and cry into my pillow? I'd rather kill myself" It was out of her mouth before she could stop it "I don't mean that. I just mean that I can just sit around and be sad"

Jenny nodded, she understood.

Gibbs knew he shouldn't have been so surprised to see Alex in the office when they had returned from the field, but he was. He thought he had done a pretty good job in making it clear that she wasn't to go to work that day. He had gone so far as to let the air out of her tire.

Alex and Abby sat with their feet perched up on Alex's desk as they ate Chinese food for lunch. When the elevator dinged Alex peered back over her shoulder and watched the team pile out of elevator. Tony, McGee and Ziva were at her desk in flash, full of questions on her well-being.

Alex appreciated the concern of her team. As much as she hated to feel pitied, she knew that she wouldn't have made it through the past year without the love and the support of her team. As the others slowly made their way back to their own desks and Abby returned to the lab to process the evidence the team had returned with, Gibbs made eye contact with Alex and questioned her with his eyes.

"Sorry I'm late, boss" she smiled "I had a flat tire"

Gibbs stared at her, doing his best to try and intimidate her

"What?" Alex raised an eyebrow "See somethin' ya like?"

Gibbs tossed her a file containing a list of phone numbers relevant to the case "Here, make yourself useful"


	4. Chapter 4

---

The case took longer than expected and by 7 pm Gibbs started to notice exhaustion on Alex's face. "Go home, we can finish it from here"

Alex didn't look up from her computer screen "I don't want to go home, Gibbs"

Gibbs got up and walked around to her desk and perched on the edge "What are you going to do?"

"I only have to give four weeks' notice on my lease. Gibbs, I don't think I can't stay there. There are several buildings in the area that are leasing. It shouldn't be an issue to find a new place."

"I don't blame you for not wanting to stay there. You'll stay with me."

"Gibbs. I'm not going to put you out. I thank you for letting me stay last night. I really appreciate it"

"You aren't putting me out. It will be nice to have the company. At least stay until your other lease is finished, you don't need to double your rent for nothing. Then, when the time comes I'll help you find a place that's good for you. Go home, pack some clothes and then go back to my place" Gibbs pressed his house key into her hand"

The rest of the team pretended not to listen to their conversation.

"Gibbs…"

"It wasn't a discussion."

Alex shut down her computer and headed for the elevator. She walked the few blocks back to pick up her car and drove to her house for the second time that day. She hurriedly tossed the things she would need for the next week into a suitcase. She rolled the suitcase to her car and returned to the house once more. There was one thing that wouldn't fit into her suitcase. She emptied half the water from her small fish tank and carried it out to her car, "C'mon bruiser, c'mon bubbles. We don't live here anymore" she said softly to the small goldfish.

Gibbs didn't get home until nearly midnight. Locking the door behind him he listened for any sound suggesting that Alex was still awake. He knew she was there, her car was out front. A quick trip down to the basement confirmed that she wasn't passed out drunk under his boat. He was grateful for that. Upstairs he peeked into the guest room and found her fast asleep. He was about to close the door when something caught his eye. He smiled as he realized what he saw was two goldfish.

Gibbs woke the next morning to the smell of freshly brewing coffee.

"Morning Gibbs. Coffee is fresh and there are some pancakes in the oven keeping warm"

He passed by her and placed a light kiss on the top of her head "You know, if you keep this up, I might not let you move out"

Alex smiled "Thanks for letting me stay, bruiser and bubbles thank you as well"

"The fish?"

"You saw?"

"You don't strike me as a fish person"

"I wasn't. Chris got them for me before he left for Afghanistan, so I wouldn't be lonely. But I can't get rid of them because of his mistake. It isn't their fault he's an ass. They deserve to be loved" There was sadness in her voice.

Gibbs squeezed her shoulder as he passed with a plate of pancakes in his hand "So do you".

When Alex's lease was up she decided that it was time to start looking at apartments. Gibbs had promised to help her find the perfect place, and somewhat reluctantly he agreed to accompany her on her search. Work was keeping them busy during the week so their search was limited to the weekends, that is, when he didn't have her working the weekend as well.

The first building they pulled up too Gibbs had vetoed at the sight of the people hanging around the building entrance. _Not even Abby would feel comfortable here, and she hung out at some pretty hinky places_, he thought to himself.

Pulling up to the second place he thought it was alright, it wasn't perfect, but at least she would have to go further than the front door of the building to find a crime scene. The building manager let them inside and left them to tour the place alone.

"No. Look at this place. It's tiny. You call this a kitchen?"

"It's just me Gibbs, it only has to be big enough for me and having the occasional friend come visit"

"There isn't even room for your goldfish. No, come on. We'll look somewhere else"

Apartment after apartment had been toured and each time it had ended in a similar way. The conversation was short and the complaint changed from place to place; too old, too small, too smelly, too dangerous, and too far from work.

"What's the hurry to move? We'll find you the perfect place. We'll know it when we see it. And this isn't it"

"Gibbs, I've been staying with you for three months now. I'm sure you'd love your privacy back. I was only going to stay until I was done with the lease on my old place."

"I'm in no hurry for you to leave and I'm certainly not going to let you move into the first available cardboard box because you think I need privacy. In case you haven't noticed, the relationship I have with my boat hasn't suffered at all." In truth, Gibbs would miss her if she left. He knew he'd still see her five to six days a week because of work. But he enjoyed the fact that their Monday night dinners had turned into an every night affair. Moving on from their basic recipes that they had become familiar with, they moved on to more complicated dishes, experimenting with new flavors and new recipes, most of which turned out to be delicious, only occasionally leaving them in a fit of laughter as one of them reached for the take-out menu stash.

He did admit to himself that it was hard to know she was sleeping right next door. The sight of her wearing one of his old shirts remained at the front of his mind. At night he clutched onto the second pillow on his bed and tangled his legs in the sheets, remembering what it had felt like to wrap his body around hers.

He would toss and turn at night, his nightmares that once centered on the death of his wife and child, were now focused on the unnecessary pain this woman felt and how he was powerless to prevent it. He would wake, tired and anxious only to find comfort in that she was already awake, waiting at the kitchen table, her hands wrapped around a mug of his favorite strong brew while she skimmed over the local news paper. Every morning was the same. She would say 'good morning' as he passed by and silently pressed his lips to the top of her head. He would pour a cup of coffee and press down on the toaster which would already contain two slices of bread, waiting to be toasted. If it was the weekend he would find either pancakes or waffles being kept warm in the oven. With breakfast in hand he would sit down across from her and wordlessly she would pass him the front page of the paper as she found what she was truly looking for, the comics.

As time progressed Alex slowly forgot about her search for a new place, not until she saw an ad in the newspaper one Monday morning for a new building that was about to open. She had to admit, it wasn't top of her priorities to move out. At Gibbs place she felt safe and content and wanted. None of those things she had felt for quite some time.

Gibbs nodded with a sigh, agreeing to check it out the following weekend. Tony and Ziva were in Los Angeles with the director and things at work had been slow. He was certain that they'd have the weekend free to go look. He was wrong.

The office was quiet. McGee was busy on the phone trying to track down the last known whereabouts of their latest victim and Alex was typing up a storm on her computer, occasionally pausing to reread what she had written before returning to the keyboard and picking up the pace again. Gibbs gazed around. Without Tony in the office, everyone seemed subdued. He knew he would miss Tony if he ever left permanently, but a week without DiNozzo in the office was a nice little break. Tony always had Alex talking about some movie or celebrity. She was the only one who willing fed his movie addiction by agreeing to compare their cases to movies. If he wasn't engaging Alex in a movie-related conversation, or trying to beat her top score in Tetris he was sending flirtatious looks at Ziva. No one in the office was blind, they were trying to hide their obvious affection for each other, but it was useless. Of course, they thought they were getting away with it, but it had turned into a little reality TV for everyone else. Gibbs wasn't sure that sending Tony and Ziva was the best choice for protection detail on the director, he would've rather sent McGee in one of their places, but he knew they would enjoy the down time that the director would give them. He owed them that much.

He couldn't be bothered to look up when the elevator _dinged_ but his head snapped up when McGee started to choke on the coffee he had taken a sip of. He followed McGee's gaze towards the elevator and heard a small gasp from Alex desk, but didn't turn to look at her. He was on his feet and around his desk in one fluid movement. He had the man slammed up against the wall in a second.

"You are not welcome here" He forced out between his teeth, his jaw clenched tight.

"I.. I.." Chris stammered.

Gibbs had his arm across his neck and pressed tighter to keep Chris from talking. "You are not welcome here or anywhere near her. Do you understand" Gibbs startled slightly when he saw Alex's hand reach out and her fingers wrap around his wrist and pull his hand away from Chris' throat.

"Don't do something you'll regret" Alex had meant to sound strong, but it came out as a whisper. Gibbs lowered his arm, but held his place. McGee walked up and placed his hands on Alex's shoulders and turned her to direct her towards the back stairs to Abby's lab.

Alex shook his hands off and walked back to her desk. She didn't sit down, but instead opened the bottom drawer and dug around until she found what she was looking for. Without any show of emotion she walked back towards Gibbs and her ex-fiancé. Both men watched her, curious as to what she was doing. She pulled on Gibbs arm to make him step back. Reluctantly he did so, but only a few steps. Alex held out her fist towards Chris and turned her hand, uncurling her fingers to reveal her engagement ring.

"I don't know you anymore" she said simply "and I don't want to know you"

Chris shook his head "No… we can work this out. I know we can"

Alex thought it would be harder than it was "No"

"Please?"

"Chris if you don't leave, I'll get Abby. I think she's the one person who hates you more than him" She nodded towards Gibbs. Chris held his hand out and Alex dropped the ring into his palm before she turned on her heel she hesitated and placed a hand on Gibbs arm before walking back to her desk and returning her attention to her computer. He could tell that she was void of emotion for him and he realized while looking at the ring, it was over for them. He felt Gibbs presence growing stronger, so he moved back to the elevator.

Alex heard the elevator door close and before Gibbs could question she looked up and said "I'm fine".

---

Gibbs stepped out of the car and saw Tony and Ziva walk out of the abandoned building. He paused as a warm breeze blew through his hair. "I said to wait"

When he was greeted by Vance in the doorway, claiming it as his own crime scene Gibbs cringed. He had loved Jenny, still did. Not the same way as he had when they were undercover in Paris, but he would always care about her.

Abby and Alex paced the floor in front of McGee's desk. Alex was normally calm, but Gibbs sudden flight to LA combined with Abby's worries that something was wrong had taken its toll on Alex as well. McGee struggled to concentrate on his computer screen, but the dialing and re-dialing of phones to call Tony, Ziva and every now and again Gibbs was getting on his nerves.

"Look. Ladies…" McGee placed a hand on the back of each of the women "I'm sure they are fine, likely involved in some case. Why don't you to head down to the lab, or get coffee or something" He had them all the way over by the elevator when his computer alerted him to an e-mail. Alex and Abby were back at his desk faster than he was. He opened the e-mail to find that Tony needed some tire tracks identified.

"See, it's a case"

"I don't know, something still doesn't feel right." Abby looked at the print on the screen.

"What doesn't feel right, my dears?"

Abby and Alex turned to see Ducky standing behind them.

"They are worried something has happened. Gibbs suddenly took off to LA and we haven't heard anything from Tony or Ziva until just now, Tony asked me to identify a tire track"

"Ah, it must be a, oh, my phone… I'll just get this" Ducky fished his phone out of his pocket and answered. He put a few steps distance between him and said "Jethro"

"Ducky"

"I know I typically dominate the conversation, but since you called me..."

"Jenny's dead… yesterday"

"Oh dear. I can't believe it happened so…"

"She was murdered. Fire-fight."

"Tony and Ziva?"

"Not involved"

"What can I do?"

"Five bodies, on their way"

"I assume one of them is…"

"Yeah. Tell McGee, tell Abby, tell Alex. I'll need them"

"Jethro?"

"Yeah. I know, Duck"

Ducky snapped his phone shut and turned to face the agents. Silently he walked forward until McGee asked "Who?"

"Jenny"

Alex and Abby both gasped. McGee put an arm around each of them and closed his eyes. How could this be happening?

They moved about the building on auto pilot, waiting for the rest of the team to arrive painful. Instead of their usual lunch time gossip, Alex and Abby sat silently and picked over their lunch before it eventually ended up in the garbage.

Palmer was uneasy at Ducky's abnormal silence.

When Gibbs returned, the first person he found was Ducky. He had wanted to see Jenny's body one last time, but as he approached the body bag he decided against it. He wanted to remember her as she was, and not as a cold body on the table.

Next he walked into Abby's lab. She had just received all the evidence. "I'll do my best work, Gibbs"

"You always do"

"But this will be the best of the best. This is for the director"

Tony followed by Ziva who was then followed by McGee made their way into the lab. They compared their information and Gibbs left the others with Abby. When the elevator started to lift he flicked the emergency stop button. He ran his fingers through his hair before slamming his hand against the elevator wall. The team had been through enough the past year, why couldn't they just catch a break? He flipped the switch to start the elevator moving again. He pressed the thumb of his right hand into his left to try and alleviate the pain from when he had slammed the elevator. He didn't need to lose his cool, not now.

As he stepped out of the elevator he spotted Alex at her desk, her head in her hands, an all too familiar sight. He stood in front of her and cleared his throat. She raised her eyes to meet his "Here we go again"

That evening he sent his agents home, he was meeting Franks and wanted his agents to leave before him. Otherwise he knew they would be in the office all night, and he needed them to get their rest, otherwise they would be no use to him the next day.

Alex went home to Gibbs place alone. She couldn't believe that Jenny was dead. Jenny had been there for her through the 'death' of Chris and of Kate. They had laughed over personal jokes about Hollis and Jenny had given her a little insight to the world of Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Alex wasn't sure what she would do without her. She paced the house. First she took a hot shower. It relaxed her, but it also brought tears to her eyes. She went to the basement to sit with the boat. She didn't want to drink, not alone. Not that night. She knew Gibbs would need her whenever it was that he got home. She needed to be sober for him. She moved back up to the sofa and flipped on the TV she had bought him. She flipped channels until sometime after 11 pm. She flipped off the TV and went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. There was nothing she wanted. She settled for a glass of water and a couple of Tylenol to help numb the pounding headache she'd had all day.

She sat on the kitchen counter and waited, though she didn't have to wait long. Gibbs entered his house slowly. Mike Franks had filled him in on all the details, and the fact that Jenny had died to save him, hung heavily on his heart. The only light on was in the kitchen, so he followed it. He saw Alex sitting on the counter and he walked towards her. She hopped down as he got closer and when he was right in front of her she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his neck "I'll miss her"

"I know. Me too" They were silent until he stepped backwards "It's late"

Alex watched as he turned and went upstairs. She heard him move around in the bathroom upstairs and when she heard the door to his room close she made her way to the stairs. Her first stop was the guestroom, her room now, where she changed into a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. She then went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She flipped off the light to the bathroom and stood silently in the hallway. Part of her was pulled to open the door to Gibbs bedroom, she thought she heard crying. However, another part of her thought that maybe he needed to be alone and she should just go to bed.

She placed her hand on the door knob and took a deep breath before pushing the door open. With the moonlight that shone into his room she could see that his eyes were open and he was staring up at the ceiling. She could also see that his cheeks were wet with tears. As quietly as possible she shut the door behind her before stepping towards the bed. She figured that if he had truly wanted to be alone, he would've said so by now.

Alex pulled back the sheets and slid her legs under. Just as she was lying down Gibbs rolled on his side to face her. With his back to the window, the moonlight no long reached his face and she was unable to read his expression. He reached out with his hand and wove his fingers into the hair at the base of her neck and pulled her forward. For a moment she thought he was going to press his lips to hers, but instead his lips touched her forehead. He pulled away slightly and pushed his forehead down against hers.

"Can we put the whole apartment search on hold? For awhile? I don't want to be alone"

"Okay" Alex meant for it to come out as a whisper, but it ended up more as a sob. He pressed his lips to her forehead again and pulled her close to his body. That night they fell asleep tangled in each other's arms and legs; he couldn't deny the comfort he felt.

---

Jenny's case hadn't taken long for them to solve. Just when they thought they could afford to take a sigh of relief, the new director, Director Vance, had called everyone but Abby, Alex and Ducky up to his office. He called to split them up. Alex would remain on Gibbs team, to help train the new one. Abby would stay in the lab and Ducky in autopsy. McGee would stay local, but move to cyber crimes. Ziva was to return to Israel, and Tony would be sent to sea.

It hadn't taken long for the news to spread. While the rest of the team sat around speechless, Alex marched her way up to the director's office and stepped inside. The director had expected Gibbs to be the first one to bust through his doors, but from what he had learned about special agent Alexis Evans, he wasn't shocked. She placed both hands on the desk and leaned forward "Leon"

"It's Director Vance"

"Leon, you want my respect? Earn it"

"Special agent Evans, I will ignore that comment. I know you've just returned from Miss. Shepard's funeral, you are emotional. But I warn you…"

"What else can you do? You've split up my team! They are my family!"

"I have my reasons for what I did. It wasn't out of spite"

"Then for what? What are your reasons?"

"I can't share that with you at this moment. Just know that there is a very good reason. I haven't done all this to tear apart your family, Alex"

"Its special agent Evans" Alex spat before she slammed the door behind her.

That had been four months ago. Their time apart had been excruciating. Abby kept track of their days apart in her lab, and Alex was in charge of correspondence. She kept a weekly newsletter of the happening in the office. None of it was really work related. It was more filled with the little things; she beat her Tetris high score, Abby went an entire day without CafPow, that agent Lee was a health freak. It entertained both Abby and Alex to bring sugary desserts every Friday and watch agent Lee cringe as they licked frosting off their fingers, or fought over who got the last cookie. When either Alex or Abby made one of the new agents uncomfortable, they saw it as a small victory in getting their old team back.

When it finally had happened, Alex had spent the night before Tony's arrival at Abby's. With the amount of sugar the two had been consuming the day before his arrival, Gibbs was glad that Alex would be out of the house. Others wise she would've either kept him up all night chattering away about how much she had to tell Tony, even though he had received the newsletters she'd sent out, or he would've had to witness the blood sugar drop, and although he had survived the wrath of many women, he wasn't sure he'd make it out of this one alive. So as he watched Alex follow Abby to the elevator, turn and wave with a huge smile, he knew he'd be better off spending the evening alone with his boat.

With no breakfast waiting for him the following morning, he ended up at work a full hour earlier than he usually intended to me. He assumed that he would be the first person, but he was wrong. When the elevator doors open he heard someone shout "TONY!" as both Alex and Abby rushed towards him. Gibbs just smiled and set his stuff down by his desk before leaving in search of a hot cup of coffee. When they realized it wasn't Tony, they resumed their pacing.

"You better not wear down the carpet" a voice drifted down from above.

Alex looked up and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she dragged her feet a little harder along the floor "Leon"

"Evans" Leon nodded down at her. With the return of her team he had moved up a notch in her book. She wouldn't call him a friend, but there were the beginnings of a mutual respect at work. The return of her team was something she saw as a victory in their power struggle within the office. They mostly stayed out of each other's way, and he had eventually given up on her calling him Director Vance. Alex considered that a small victory as well.

Four very long hours later, with Ziva and McGee settled back at their desks and Alex and Abby passed out on the floor behind Alex's desk, the elevator dinged and Tony stepped out. Ziva was in his arms before he knew what was happening. He had seen her the week before, on the boat, but now that they were back for good, it added to the emotion. McGee stood back and waited for Ziva to collect herself and step away. Tony tousled his hair and made a 'Mc-joke' before stepped forward and shaking his boss' hand. "Whatever happened to my big welcome party? Alex and Abby have been telling me since the day after I left that when I got back they'd be on me like…"

Tony trailed off when Ziva, McGee and Gibbs all pointed at Alex's desk. His smile grew as he peeked over Alex's desk to see the two next to each other with their backs against the cubicle wall. Alex's head rested on Abby's shoulder and Abby's cheek rested on Alex's head. Tony reached out to wake them but stopped at the sharp whisper of his name behind him.

"What? I haven't seen them for months!"

"Trust me, Tony. Give them a little longer. For your own sanity" Gibbs voice was a whisper. McGee and Ziva nodded in agreement. Tony started to question why, but his gaze fell on the trash can by Alex's desk. Six empty CafPows, four empty coffee cups and various candy wrappers nearly toppled out of the can.

"but I thought Alex doesn't drink CafPows? At least not more than a few sips of Abby's…"

"No, she doesn't, but today…" McGee groaned "they've been here longer than anyone. I don't think they slept last night; they've just been downing sugar and caffeine, all morning."

"Oh" Tony wrinkled his brow "Better to let them sleep"

Abby stirred and raised her head to look at what was causing the noise. When she saw Tony was back she elbowed Alex, jumped up and crushed Tony in a hug "Tony. You're back!"

"In the flesh"

"For real? Like total real? Like pinky promise permanent real?"

"Reassigned to DC, effective immediately."

Alex and Abby jumped for joy.

"Never thought I'd say this Tony, but it's nice to have you back." McGee reached out to shake Tony's hand.

"Nice? It's like spectacular. I kept every one of your postcards and I have a whole DiNozzo wall." Abby rambled

"It was a long four months and it's great to be back, not that I didn't think I wasn't coming back…"

"So anyway sister Rosita bowled a 260. And I watched Titanic finally and it sinks in the end, very weird…"

---

The call that came in about a dead sailor found behind a club send the team into action. The agents were busy snapping photos, questioning witnesses and picking up evidence for Abby, when Ducky strolled up, humming a tune to himself, "Mozart" he commented.

Tony smiled as his eyes met with Alex "I'd say Ducky got lucky"

"Have you never heard of a night at the opera, dear boy?"

McGee made his way to Gibbs "Boss, the security cameras were cut, according to the time stamp, about 30 minutes before the fight"

"This wasn't a bar brawl, McGee. This was an ambush"

Tony, McGee and Alex watched as Abby wiped down the counter they were about to set the evidence boxes on.

"That was pristine!"

"Would you like us to put them on floor?" McGee questioned as Tony rolled his eyes.

"Oh no no no. That's what it's for; swabbing the deck, clearing the runway, ready for takeoff. Garbage in, garbage out. Tidy on the inside, makes tidy on the outside"

"Feng shui of the grey matter" Tony cut in.

"And now, to make sense of the chaos…" Abby dug into the evidence box to see what she could find. She pulled out a class ring. "I guess I should start with LeCombe, at least he's still alive. Oh look, a class ring."

Tony peered down at the ring inside the evidence bag in Abby's hands. His eye brows raised with curiosity "Stillwater high school!"

"I haven't heard of that movie, Tony" Alex said, giving Tony a questioning look.

"No. Stillwater. High school. You know, for all the hours we slave away for that man, you've never peeked into his personal file?"

"Who's file?" McGee, Alex and Abby asked in unison.

Tony shook his head in disappointment, "Stillwater is very small town in Pennsylvania. Coal country, primarily known for its coal mines and only slightly lesser-known as the birth place of one Leroy Jethro Gibbs. This guy…" Tony held up the bag containing the ring "Is from Gibbs home town".

Down in autopsy Ducky finished giving Gibbs the details on the dead Marine. As Gibbs turned to leave, Ducky started "I've heard whispers that this case may bring you to Stillwater, Pennsylvania"

Gibbs paused and turned around, "Uh huh, it may"

Up in the bullpen the team could hardly wait for Gibbs to make a move signaling they would be headed to Stillwater. As Gibbs moved towards the elevator Alex and Tony we're right behind him, with Ziva and McGee only a few steps back.

"Alex. DiNozzo"

"We're on your six, boss"

"DiNozzo follow up with the Taylor family. Alex, help Abby move through the evidence"

Ziva and McGee pushed past them into the elevator with Gibbs as Tony and Alex stood silently and watched the doors close.

"Well that hurt"

Alex nodded in agreement "Although, the boss said we'd get an extra 30 minutes for lunch. Wanna grab pizza?"

"He said that?"

"Maybe he thought it? I don't know. I'm just sure I heard it somewhere"

Tony smiled, "Do you think he said something about putting it on the expense account?"

"Of course"

After lunch, things had slowed down. Alex was down in Abby's lab and they were waiting for Tony to fill him in on the blood samples. Alex sat back on the counter as Abby explained the blood samples she retrieved from the ring. During their conversation Alex noticed as McGee's face popped up on the screen.

"McGee!"

Abby looked up, "Hey Luke, how's Uncle Jesse?" she purred in her best southern accent.

"Gibbs has a father" McGee and Ziva shouted simultaneously.

Alex was off the counter and pushed between Abby and Tony in a flash "Tell me everything!" The three agents absorbed the information from McGee silently before adding "We're on our way"

Reluctantly they agreed that it would be bad for them to show up until after they had covered all their basics back in the office and the evidence had been tested.

Early the next morning, in Stillwater, Gibbs sat silently with his father and waited until a cup of coffee and a section of news paper was moved towards him. It didn't take long for Ziva and McGee to come walking in.

"Morning Gibbs. Gibbs's?" When McGee didn't get a response, Ziva broke in and started with the details she had learned from her latest phone call from Tony. McGee cut Ziva off and finished "Tony is securing a court order for DNA samples and Abby is getting stuff for the blood tests"

"And Alex?" Gibbs didn't look up.

"Um, actually I don't know what she's doing. Tony didn't say. Maybe she's bested her Tetris score" McGee tried to make a joke.

Gibbs looked up at McGee.

"It was a joke boss. I mean, I don't know what she's doing, but I'm sure she's not playing Tetris. I mean, maybe on her lunch break, but I wouldn't know…"

"Who are these people?" Jackson Gibbs asked.

"You will meet them later, they will be driving up this afternoon" Ziva answered.


	5. Chapter 5

---

When Alex, Abby and Tony finally pulled in front of Jackson Gibbs general store, Tony was ready for the car ride to be over. Alex and Abby had insisted on played every car game they could think of, but it was quickly forgotten as he registered the burnt frame of a car.

"What happened? Everyone alright?" Tony asked Ziva who was surveying the damage.

"Gibbs?" Alex asked, her eyes not leaving the burnt out car.

"He is fine. Everyone is fine. We have just lost a lot of potential evidence. That is all" Ziva said, placing a reassuring hand on Alex's back.

Tony nodded and moved inside in search of Gibbs while Alex and Abby went to unload the car. Inside Tony explained the warrant he had obtained.

Jackson Gibbs watched this man, obviously intimidated by his son, yet also full of respect. He tuned out of the conversation, not completely understanding what was being said anyway. He watched the expression on his son's face. Leroy's face, he noted, didn't show any emotion. There was no sadness, he noticed with a sigh of relief. He didn't see any happiness either, but compared to the last time he had seen his son, at the funeral, he was somewhat surprised that his son was still alive. Jackson's thoughts were interrupted by the door to the store opening, he watched curiously.

Two women walked in carrying stacks of various boxes and cases. One was dressed from head to toe in black, black shirt and black jeans. Her hair, also black, was in pigtails and her dark makeup completed her look. The several tattoos he saw were the first clue that these weren't local women with his latest delivery. His second clue was the gun on the hip of the second woman. She was wearing grey slacks and a dark purple satin blouse. His final clue was the height on her heels. Local women didn't wear shoes like that.

"Gibbs!" He watched them greet his son warmly as both Gibbs and Tony stepped forward to help them with the load they had carried in.

Jackson watched as his son absentmindedly placed a hand on the back of the second woman "You look nice"

"Flattery Gibbs, I like it. I'll get you everywhere" Alex giggled "Ask Tony."

Jackson was astonished at the smile that appeared on his sons face

"I know. You make me breakfast every morning, don't you?" Gibbs gave a light tug on Alex's sleeve. Jackson was glad no one was looking at him, they would've wondered if he was having a heart attack. This woman lived with his son? He was dumbfounded. He hadn't spoken to his son in years, but he was fairly certain his son wouldn't have gotten married and not told him about it.

"Gibbs, you are such a player" Alex feigned insult.

"Boss this is where you say something snappy like, don't hate the player, hate the game" Tony read the look on his boss' face and continued "Right, shutting up now boss."

Alex intervened "I was part of the intro-meeting for the new hire's this morning. Thought I'd give them a bit false security, you know, make them think the agency is all professional. This way, it's more entertaining when Tony brings them crashing into reality when he scares them in the elevator. We've got it all worked out. Next week will be the greatest week of our lives, right Tony?"

"She's right boss, next week will… be a very busy week as we are hard at work at NCIS" Tony turned his attention to the warrant in his hand.

"Abby, Alex this is my fath-" before he could finish Alex and Abby had moved over to Jackson and had his sandwiched in a hug.

"Hello Ladies. Call me Jack"

After introductions, Gibbs instructed Tony to take Ziva and McGee to get DNA samples at the coal mines while he would return to get DNA samples at the Winslow residence. Abby and Alex followed Tony back to the car to get the last of their stuff so he could leave.

Jackson stared at his soon as the door closed behind the others "That woman lives with you?"

"It's a long story"

"One that you'll fill me in on after we get that DNA you need?"

"There is nothing to fill you in on, Jack" Both Gibbs sighed as they headed for the door.

When they returned with the DNA samples they all sat back to let Abby work while McGee sat silently next to her as she worked. Tony and Ziva had gone outside for a walk and Gibbs helped his father by pricing things. Alex lifted herself up on to the front counter of the store, and Gibbs senior sat idly around the counter behind her.

Two young men entered the store "Hey Jackson, looks like you've got a crowd"

"Hello Fellas, don't mind them. Their busy with some work"

The men nodded and found what they were looking for. They approached the counter where Alex was sitting and set two six packs of beer on the counter to pay. Alex scooted over to make room for the beer and then smiled at the guys. "Ooh, party time, huh?"

The first guy smiled back "Something like that. I'm Jared and this is Mike"

Alex shook their hands, "I'm Alex"

"I'm assuming you aren't from around here"

"Nope, how could you tell?"

Jared eyed her up and down once and laughed, "It could be the Malibu-Barbie outfit"

"Hey, this is New York fashion, buddy. Don't go there"

He held up his hands, "Ok, ok. Changing the subject now. Mike and I are going to meet some friends by the lake, if you aren't busy" he looked around at the others in the shop "you are welcome to join us"

Jackson watched the exchange between Alex and Jared and at the same time kept an eye on his son. He saw a flash of jealousy on his son's face as he watched from afar, but as quickly as it appeared it disappeared.

"Nah, my boss is a slave-driver" Alex peered over Jared shoulder and winked at Gibbs. "You kids have fun" Alex looked over at the cash register "and that'll be $14.75 for the man behind the counter"

"Let us know if you'll be back in town sometime. I'd love to show you around."

"Show me around? You can point to everything in this town from the front step of this store"

"There is more to this town than what you see" Jared laughed.

"Well, maybe I will" Alex waved as the guys left the store.

The rest of the afternoon was spent checking and then re-checking DNA. The early evening went by in flash, arresting Nick and his counterparts. With everyone safely in custody the team gathered in the general store. They pulled up chairs to the table and dug into to the pizzas they had ordered. Ziva agreed to share her hotel room with Tony and McGee agreed to share with Abby so that they wouldn't have to make the long drive that night.

"Oh, I see how it is. Jack you have a sofa I could crash on?"

Jack chuckled, "We'll put Leroy on the sofa. You can have his old room"

The rest of the table went quiet and Alex laughed "no no, the sofa is fine. We've got a long ride home tomorrow, all of us stuck in the suburban together. We don't want to ride with a cranky Gibbs"

"Lex…" Gibbs warned.

"Geez, Leroy. These people sure cater to your every need. You really are the boss, aren't you?"

"No, we all cater to each other's needs." Alex defended "It keeps us all happy and the team working efficiently. We take care of each other. So if that means sleeping on a sofa to ensure a peaceful ride home? No sweat. Plus, it's not like I'm agreeing to sleep out back. Unless your sofa is out back, is it? I'm sure I could find Jared. He'd take me in…"

"No no. It's inside in the living room. And that's nice; you know, that you take care of each other."

Around 9 pm Ziva, Tony, McGee and Abby agreed that they were tired and would head back to their hotel. Jack, Gibbs and Alex continued to sit around the table and talk, mostly about NCIS. Alex could tell Jack wanted to talk about more personal things; she didn't blame him seeing as his son hadn't been in contact for over ten years, but Gibbs skirted the subject every time.

"Oh man" Alex faked a yawn. "Maybe you could point me in the direct of the sofa"

Jack nodded "The living quarters are upstairs. Follow me" Jack showed Alex the sofa and found an extra pillow and blanket while Alex changed into something more comfortable. Alex, Abby and Tony had brought extra clothes for this very reason.

Alex made herself comfortable on the sofa, but sat up again before Jack went back down the stairs to the store "He's not just a boss. He cares about us"

Jack nodded, "I see that. Goodnight"

"Night" The yawn that followed wasn't fake, and Alex nestled down into the soft cushions.

Jackson returned to his chair at the table across from his son and sat down "Well Leroy, are you ready to fill me in on that young woman upstairs?"

"She's a great agent"

"She's living with you?"

The younger Gibbs sighed, "Her boyfriend left for the middle east. Then he died. A year later he walked into the office and admitted that he faked his death, because he had been injured. She was heartbroken and needed a place to stay until her lease ran out. She's a good cook and good company, so I offered my guest room"

"How long ago was that?"

"It was six, maybe, seven months ago? I don't know"

"You're in love with her?" Jack wasn't sure if he had meant it as a question or rather as a statement. He thought it was rather obvious.

Gibbs didn't answer. He had wondered himself the past several months, but never had it been said out loud.

"You were jealous of those guys who came in"

Gibbs didn't answer.

"And you touched her, a hand on her back, the pulling at her sleeve. It's obvious."

"You sell books about body language in here?" Gibbs asked "There is nothing going on, she's a good friend who has been there for me when I need her, so I try and do the same. That's it."

"Why do you assume that's it, Leroy? She seems like a very special woman"

"Because… because one day she'll move out and move on with her life. I've accepted that"

"She doesn't have to move out"

"I know, but she will. You saw how she was with that guy Jared. She's young and beautiful. She's not…"

"She's not Shannon"

"I was going to say she's not in love with me. But no, she's not Shannon".

"And that's a good thing. I adored Shannon and that girl Kelly, but they're gone. If she was like Shannon I'd be worried that that's why you're with her, but she's different. Shannon was quiet, like you. Alex is, from what I've seen, anything but quiet. She's loud, and she's direct. In that way you are similar. She doesn't dance around the point she's trying to make. Are you so sure she doesn't feel similar for you?"

"I haven't asked"

"Don't you think she would've moved out by now, if she didn't feel at least a little something?"

"I don't know, Jack. I don't know"

"Well, I'm going to bed. And Leroy, I want you to think about what I've said. You are right in the fact that she is young and beautiful. And if she is interested in you, she won't wait around forever for you to stop dragging your feet"

Gibbs nodded and watched his father move to the stairs and disappear out of sight. He finished his cup of coffee before following the same path in which his father had taken. The top of the stairs opened to the living room where Alex had long ago fallen asleep. A small light in the corner of the room left enough light for him to make the outline of the sofa. He paused briefly before making his way to the bathroom and then to his old room to change into a thin pair of sweatpants and a clean white t-shirt.

With his eyes more adjusted to the darkness he returned to the living room. Alex looked peaceful as she slept, clutching her pillow to keep it from falling to the floor. Gibbs sat on the coffee table to sit and watch her sleep. Gently he tucked a few stray stands of hair behind her ear. Alex stirred and mumbled something in her sleep, he couldn't understand her, but he smiled anyway.

As his eyelids got heavy he stood to go to bed. On impulse he leaned over and placed his lips tenderly on Alex's temple, holding his soft kiss a moment longer than usual.

He straightened up to walk away but froze when he heard her mumble "I love you, Gibbs" He looked back down at her and saw that her eyes were still closed. She shifted in her sleep and her pillow dropped to his feet. He hesitated briefly before sliding an arm under her knees and an arm under her shoulders. He lifted her easily off the sofa and her head lolled against his chest. He walked back to the room of his childhood and pushed the door open with his foot. He crossed the room towards the bed to lay her down and was halfway across the room when he heard her whisper "stay".

He looked back and nodded "I'm just closing the door"

Her eyes closed again as she made room for him to lie next to her. It wasn't the first time that they'd shared a twin size bed, he knew that they'd fit. When he laid down next to her she fit herself into the crook of his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. The steady sound of his heart beat had her back asleep within seconds.

He ran his hand up and down her back as he looked at the ceiling. _I love you, Gibbs_. It played through his mind over and over again and it made his heart skip a beat. He wasn't 100% sure if she had been awake or not, but just hearing it sent a calmness through his body. As he neared sleep himself, he turned his head and whispered "_I love you, Lex_" against her forehead.

As usual Alex woke before Gibbs. It took her a moment to figure out where she was, and it was a little unclear as to why her arm was draped over Gibbs chest, but she wasn't complaining. She eased herself out of bed to keep from waking him and changed quickly. Silently she made her way to the kitchen where she found Jack making coffee.

"Good morning Jack"

"Morning. I don't have much for breakfast, but help yourself to whatever you find"

"Do you have the ingredients for pancakes? I could make some"

He smiled "I own a general store, I'm never out of pancake mix"

Alex got to work quickly. When the pancakes were done she put a small stack on three plates, putting one in the oven to keep warm. Picking up the other two, she went down to the store to find Jack who was getting the store ready for the day.

"So tell me about you and my son?" Jack asked before taking a bite of pancake "These are very good, by the way"

"What about me and Gibbs?"

"You live together don't you?"

"Yes"

"Well, why?"

"It's a long story. My life has been a mess the past year and a half and Gibbs has pulled me through. Whether or not he realizes that, I don't know."

"Pulled you through?"

"My fiancé died and then came back a year later to tell me he was '_just kidding'_. My friend Kate, a fellow agent, was killed by a blood thirsty terrorist and then not too long ago, the director of NCIS a good friend of mine as well as Gibbs, was killed."

"Sounds like my boy has had a rough year as well"

"He has"

"Are you there for him?"

"Of course, Jack, and I'm speaking metaphorically here, but when Gibbs bleeds, I bleed. I bleed on my own too. I guess I've been bleeding a lot lately, but anyway, I guess we just understand each other, and we're there for each other"

"That's good. My son needs someone he can go to"

"He does"

They sat silently for while.

"Tell me about him as a little boy. I've got a list of questions from Tony" Alex stopped when she heard someone on the stairs.

Gibbs appeared at the base of the stairs with a plate of pancakes in hand, "No reporting for DiNozzo, Lex"

"Aw, Gibbs. I'm making $20 bucks off him for a little investigative work"

Gibbs passed behind her and positioned a gentle kiss on the top of her head, "And I'll pay you $20 to tell him nothing"

"Hm, conflict of interest here. I'm sure Tony would up it to $50. Continue Jack"

Gibbs rolled his eyes and started into the breakfast before him while Jack gave a short introduction to Leroy as a child. The rest of the team arrived shortly after nine.

"So, Alex… wanna sit in the back of the suburban with me on the way home?" Tony had sat down in the chair next to her and causally wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I might, but I should let you know that the price went up to $50 due to unforeseen complications"

"I can live with that"

---

They left Stillwater with promises to visit. The long ride home was uneventful. Gibbs drove, with Ziva in the front passenger side seat. Abby and McGee were in the second row and as agreed Alex and Tony were in the back. Every so often Gibbs would look in the rearview mirror. Alex would be laughing at something Tony had said. He was fairly certain they had moved on from the mini biography she had gotten from his father. Now they were likely discussing movies or celebrities, things they both had a passion for. Occasionally she would catch his eye and smile before returning her attention to Tony.

Back in the Navy yard they all spread out to their respective cars. Gibbs watched as Alex pulled out of the parking lot before entering the building to debrief the director.

Gibbs stood awkwardly in front of director Vance, ever since Jenny had died, he felt uncomfortable in the director's office. As their conversation came to a close, Cynthia burst in.

"Gibbs! Director!" Cynthia held out the cordless office phone in her hand. Both men reached for the phone, but Vance was closer. He pressed the phone to his ear and his eyes closed as he listened "We're on our way". Hanging up the phone, he handed it back to Cynthia.

Gibbs searched the director's face for any clues. "Well?"

"Evans. Her car was hit by what appears to be a drunk driver. Two blocks from here. She's on her way to Bethesda medical center. The nurse said nothing else"

Gibbs was out the door at the word 'Bethesda'. He didn't wait to see if Vance was following. He didn't wait to see if Vance needed a ride. He just drove. When he arrived at the ER he halfway expected to see Alex waiting with a few cuts and bruises, arguing with a nurse about whether or not she really needed stitches. He knew she was afraid of needles. When he didn't see her, he found the first nurse available to ask her condition.

"I'm special agent Gibbs, and one of my agents is here. She was hit by a drunk driver. Where is she? What's her status?"

"Name, please?"

"Evans. Alexis Evans"

"I'm sorry sir, I haven't heard anything. They doctors are still with her" The nurse pointed to a window looking into trauma room one. The world slowed down as he approached. He was only acquainted with death, not dying. He had received phone calls to tell him that Shannon and Kelly were dead, the same with Jenny. Kate had died right in front of him, as had many criminals. But it had been quick; there had been no struggle for life like which he saw in front of him at that moment.

He saw Alex's body as three doctors leaned over her, he watched as one put a needle in her arm while the other worked a tube down her throat. He watched as her hands clenched into fists at her sides, as if there was no other way to express what her body was going through. Suddenly her hands relaxed and the third doctor who had been studying her eyes, grabbed two paddles and pressed them to her chest, waited for the others to step back and delivered a deliberate shock.

He watched her torso rise and then fall as the electric current passed through her body. His eye sight wasn't good enough to see the screen that showed the presence of a heartbeat, but assumed there wasn't one when the paddles were returned to her chest once more. The doctors paused again to see if her heart would beat on its own. As Gibbs watched them hesitate before shocking her again, the same thought looped over and over again in his mind, _I never told her I loved her_.

Gibbs felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He didn't turn to look at the person, but he could see Vance's face in the reflection of the window. "I've called the others, they are on their way. Why don't we go sit in the waiting room. You shouldn't watch this. They'll take good care of her."

"I can't…"

"You won't make a difference if you stand here or 20 feet away. You can _will_ her to live from the waiting room."

Gibbs allowed himself to be directed towards the waiting room. Ducky was at the nurse's station "Jethro. I came as fast as I could. I was down the street at the pharmacy picking up mothers prescription. Any news?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"I've got some connections; perhaps I can find something out" Ducky placed a hand on Gibbs shoulder before walking away, "She's strong Jethro. She's a fighter."

"Oh Gibbs! Abby launched herself into Gibbs arms "She has to be ok, she will won't she? She can't die, Gibbs, you can't let her"

"I don't know, Abby"

"You can't let her. Do something!"

Ziva found Gibbs and Abby, the director waiting off to the side. "Abby, you know Alex. She would not let a drunk driver be the end of her. She will fight"

Abby nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. Tony and McGee jogged down the hallway towards the rest of the group, "Any news?"

"No"

Dr. Mallard stood with Dr. Anderson, "She crashed three times, but she's stable now. Physically, I think she should make a full recovery. We're waiting to get a full CT to rule out any internal bleeding. We should be able to take her up in ten minutes or so. Once we've done that and taken care of anything we may find, we will likely do an MRI to get a closer look at her brain, it looks like her head was knocked around in the crash. She was semi-conscious when they pulled her out, but has been unresponsive since"

"You fear brain damage?"

"It's a realistic possibility, but something I can't speculate upon until she's awake"

"Can they come and see her while you wait?"

"We really don't allow people back here…"

"Just one person, a quick visit, I know it'll do them both good"

"Just one" Dr. Anderson held the door open for Ducky.

"Duck!" Gibbs jumped to his feet when the doctor walked back into the waiting room.

"Jethro, they are waiting for the CT scanner to free up, it should take ten minutes or so. Dr. Anderson kindly agreed to let you step in and say hello"

"How is she?"

"She's unconscious but she's stable. She's in serious condition, but they'll know more after the tests" Ducky said as he ushered Gibbs through the doors.

Gibbs stepped hesitantly into the room. The monitors beeped loudly and the steady _whoosh_ of air reminded him that her heart was still beating and air was passing through her lungs. He stepped closer to her. Her clothes were torn, and soaked with blood, although he expected more. He looked for any major injuries and found none. The majority of the blood, he assumed, was from the gash on her forehead near her hair line. He knew that head wounds bleed more than most. Her eyes were closed and he tried to concentrate on the pretty lines of her face, but the tube jutting out from between her lips kept her from looking like she was just taking a nap. Her arms rested by her side, he reached out and linked his pointer finger around her pinky. He wanted to take her and hold her, but was scared of injuring her further.

"Lex… you've got a whole lot of people waiting here for you to wake up. Hell, you've got my dad waiting for you to drive back up to Stillwater for a visit. You can't do this to me; you just can't do this-"

Dr. Anderson stepped back in the room, "I'm sorry, but we've got to take her upstairs now. A nurse will show you to the waiting room in intensive care. I'll find you as soon as I know anything"

Gibbs watched helplessly as two nurses wheeled Alex's bed out of the room.

The team found themselves pacing the waiting room in intensive care. They had expected the CT to take no longer than 30 minutes, so when two hours had passed, the team had become rather antsy.

"Friends and family of Alexis Evans?" Dr. Anderson stepped into the waiting room.

"The CT came back clear, so no internal injuries, just some bruising. We decided to go right ahead and do the MRI. It shows some swelling around her brain, at this point, we aren't going to do anything, and we don't believe it to be life threatening at this point. The swelling should go down on its own as she heals."

The group let out a collective sigh.

"However, she is still unconscious. We won't know the full effects of the head trauma until she wakes up. She could wake up and be just fine, or… well, we'll just have to see. Physically, on the other hand, she is a very lucky woman. She was driving a fairly solid car, wearing her seatbelt and the airbag saved her a lot of other injuries. We've sewn up the gash on her forehead and all the other cuts were minor enough not to require stitches. She's being moved to her room and then you'll all be able to visit her. Visiting hours here in intensive care are until 8pm, and then we will have to ask you to leave. You may return at 8am tomorrow."

Gibbs looked at his watch. They had an hour. Silently they filed into the room to stand by their fellow agent.

Two days had passed without Alex so much as twitching her fingers. Alex could hear as her friends came and went. As her senses started to return, it was her hearing that came first. The first thing she noticed was the horrible headache she had and no way to ease it. She could feel the needle in her arm, but she doubted the fact that they gave her any pain medicine, at least nothing stronger than a Tylenol. She tried to concentrate on other things, the sound of the machines beeping in the background, the sound of footsteps moving around her bed, and a recognizable sound of air being pressed through a machine, yet should couldn't think of what it was. The soft sound of footsteps pulled her mind back into the darkness and her thoughts slipped away.

Sometime later her thoughts returned. She couldn't hear anyone in her room but she could sense someone. As her mind cleared, she could feel a warm hand over her own.

"Good morning, Jethro. How is our girl doing?" Alex heard Ducky's soothing voice float around her. She couldn't tell which side of the bed he was on. She had been unconscious twice before and woke to the sound of Ducky's voice. She felt at ease. She tried to open her eyes to look for him but she could isolate the muscles to do it. _Damn it,_ she thought.

"No change, Duck" Gibbs voice sounded tired.

_I wonder how long he's been here_, her mind processed. She could only assume it was Gibbs hand over hers. She tried to wiggle her fingers, but again she couldn't figure out the muscles. She felt panic start to rise.

"Oh Jethro, she's been through a lot. The doctors said it will take time"

At hearing Ducky's words, the panic eased a little. _I just need time. I'll heal, I'll be ok_. Alex spent the next two days hearing her friends and the nurses' shuffle in and out of her room. Once she relaxed, she listened to the things her friends told her.

"You know, Gibbs hasn't left your side, well except now. He isn't here now. I wouldn't say that in front of him. He might get embarrassed. He really cares about you though, you have to wake up for him. He can't lose you too" Abby chattered during her watch.

Tony and Ziva took over next "Alex... come on, wake up darlin'. I just ordered a huge pack of old action flicks online. They should be delivered soon. Ziva doesn't want to watch them with me, so I thought we, you and me, could watch movies and eat pizza. I'll even buy and have a cold six-pack in the fridge. You just have to wake up, sleeping beauty"

"He is right, Alex. He has been talking about these ridiculous movies for so long. He really needs someone to watch them with him. Please wake up."

McGee arrived to take a shift so Gibbs could go home and shower "I'll watch out for her boss, I have you on speed dial, if she opens her eyes"

"I know, McGee"

Once he left, McGee took his spot by the bed "Alex, you've got to wake up. The office is horrible without you. No one is really talking, we just sit around… and work. And Gibbs, I don't think he's even threatened to hit Tony. I'm pretty sure he's only surviving

After two days she was tired of lying around. She spent what she assumed to be the entire night trying to open her eyes. She was tired of listening to her friends begging her to just open her eyes, to show them that she could hear them, and understand. She heard Gibbs walking. His footsteps were slow as he made his way to her bed. Like the days before he'd pause, gently kiss her forehead and pull a chair up to her bed to sit. And wait.

Alex tried harder to open her eyes. The more she struggled, the faster the machines would beep beside her.

---

"Nurse!" she heard Gibbs call out, his voice panic-stricken. Nurse Emily quickly entered the room and checked the machines. "Her heart rate is elevated. I'm not sure why" Gibbs stood aside and watched as the nurse looked over Alex. His eyes were wide as Alex's hands started to twitch.

"Alexis, dear, can you open your eyes for me? Can you hear me?" the nurse patted her cheek.

Alex opened her eyes and the world was a blur in front of her. She recognized Gibbs face, and then registered the nurses. She tried to open her mouth to say something, but couldn't, at the same she time recognized the _whooshing_ sound of air as a ventilator.

She started to panic as she realized that a machine was breathing for her.

"Miss, you need to calm down. Sweetie, just relax. You're fine" Emily soothed "Keep talking to her; I'm going to get Dr. Anderson."

Gibbs stepped forward and held her hands away from her mouth, as she started to paw at the tube jetting from her mouth. He opened his mouth to say something, but just shook his head.

Dr. Anderson was in the room within minutes, a team of interns with him. Alex had managed to calm down enough to focus on what the doctor was doing. Her eyes were wide with fear.

"Miss Evans, you need to calm down, or else we'll have to give you a light sedative. This tube is to keep your airway open, making sure you can breathe while your body heals. We'll take it out later today, maybe tomorrow. We just need to be sure that your body is strong enough"

Alex blinked as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Hey… it's ok. You're ok now. I'm here"

Without warning Alex reached for the tube again. Gibbs saw it happen in slow motion and was glad he was able to grab her hands before she could pull it out.

"Alex, No. Please don't" He held her arms down by her side and shouted for a nurse. By the time the nurse arrived, Alex had tired herself out from struggling, but the nurse injected a sedative into the IV in her arm. Within minutes Alex eyes had closed and she was asleep again.

"She'll sleep for a few hours now" the nurse said sympathetically to Gibbs.

Ducky rushed into the room, but paused when he saw Alex sleeping "Jethro, I heard she was awake"

"She was Duck, but she panicked because of the tube down her throat. They gave her something…"

"It's not uncommon. They'll take the tube out soon. No need to worry"

"I… I couldn't even calm her down. She looked so scared"

"She's been through a lot. Let's just wait until she wakes up again"

Early that evening Alex started to wake up again. Before she was fully conscious Gibbs called the doctor to her room.

"Miss Evans, I need you to listen to me. I need you to open your eyes and listen"

Alex eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the light in the room

"We'll go ahead and remove the breathing tube. It'll be uncomfortable, but on the count of three I want you to cough, ok?"

Alex nodded.

"One, two, three…" As Alex coughed Dr. Anderson gently pulled the tube from her throat. Alex sputtered and took a gasp of air. "Here now, have a sip of water"

Gibbs waited silently at the end of her bed. Alex's eyes were fixed straight ahead, and he couldn't be sure if she was looking at him or not.

"Who's he?" Alex didn't blink.

Gibbs swallowed, "Lex, I…" So this must have been what his team had felt like when he didn't remember them.

Alex closed her eyes and let a small smile tug at her lips, "Not you, Gibbs. The guy next to you"

Gibbs turned his head to see one of the interns. "I… I… I'm just an intern observing"

"You don't have to gawk"

"I'm… I'm… I'm sorry"

Gibbs ignored him and moved towards the top of the bed. He pulled a chair up next to the bed, and smiled down at Alex. "You come back to us and your first words are because you are irritated that someone is staring at you. Welcome back, Lex"

"I never left"

Gibbs felt a wave of emotion start to build. Before she could say anything, he excused himself to call the others.

Much to her dismay, Alex was forced to stay in the hospital for another four days. The doctors would've recommended a few more days, but her constant persistence, with Ducky's promise to look after her, persuaded the doctors to let her go. Gibbs insisted that she stay at Ducky's house for a while. He had offered for Ducky to stay at his place, so that Alex could sleep in her own bed, but Ducky's mother's aid was out of town, and she couldn't be left alone over night.

Gibbs visited every day after work, and during the day he allowed the team to take a long lunch break so they could go visit as well. Gibbs would observe Alex silently, noting each day that she seemed to be stronger, and the bruises were fading. On Tuesday he noted that the stitches had been removed from her forehead.

"You didn't cut those out yourself, did you?"

"Gibbs! That's sick and wrong. No, Ducky did it"

"You've left out the good part of the story, my dear child" Ducky set a tray with tea in front of them, and Alex smiled. Ducky was the only one to get away with calling her 'child', "You see, I found her searching for a pair of small scissors so that she could do it herself. She was due to get them out the next day, so…"

"You took her stitches out early? Duck, is that safe?

"Gibbs" Alex pressed a cup into his hands "My brains haven't fallen out yet, I'm sure I'll be fine." Leaning forward Alex pressed her lips to his temple, in a similar fashion to what he would do at work "You don't have to worry so much"

Before he could open his mouth, Mrs. Mallard shouted from the doorway "Alexis, are you _macking_ on my date?"

Alex laughed, both at Mrs. Mallard and also at the look on Gibbs face. "Sorry, Mrs. Mallard. I just couldn't help myself" then turning to Gibbs, she continued in a whisper "every day that you've stopped by, she has thought that we were on a double date, you and her, and me and Ducky. We haven't had the heart to tell her otherwise"

Gibbs smiled, "Ah, so that's why she grabbed my ass yesterday"

"You loved it"

"Never said that I didn't, Lex"

A week after she had arrived Ducky declared that, by his own professional judgment, Alex was recovered. She still tired quicker than normal, and he ordered her to take another week off before returning to the office, and that he said that she would need another week at least before she should be out in the field. Ducky agreed to drive Alex home Friday evening, after he arrived home from work. He arrived home to find Alex and his mother on the sofa enjoying the day's episode of Dr. Phil.

"That man is just so attractive. Why don't you find a man like him?" Mrs. Mallard pointed to the balding man on the TV.

"He's not my type, Mrs. Mallard. I don't think we'd get along very well. And he's married"

"Is mother pressuring you into a date with Dr. Phil again?" Ducky asked, dropping his hat on the hook.

"Yeah, although secretly I think she wants him to herself. You may find yourself with a new step-father soon, of course, if Gibbs doesn't work out"

"Yes, well, I don't think she's quite Jethro's type, and let's see how the first date with Dr. Phil goes first, before we plan the wedding. Are you ready to go home, my dear? I know Jethro eagerly awaits your return."

"Yeah, I'm ready"

Alex was silent on the ride home. The last time she had been on her way home she had been in a car accent. She thought back to her time in Stillwater. She remembered waking up in Gibbs' childhood room, in a bed with Gibbs sleeping beside her. She didn't remember how she had gotten to his bed, but she didn't really care.

Pulling up to Gibb's house reminded her that her car was no longer there. She had loved that car; however it had been the one thing she had left from Chris, it was full of memories she was eager to forget. She looked forward to car shopping. She had just received her insurance money and it was burning a hole in her pocket.

Ducky carried her bags inside like a gentleman. Gibbs opened the door before they hit the top step, obviously having waited by the door for them to arrive. Gibb's hug was warm and welcoming, and extremely gentle.

"I won't break, Gibbs. Mrs. Mallard hugs harder than that" Alex complained as he stepped away to take the bags from Ducky.

"How're you feeling?"

"I think I'll tattoo 'I'm fine' on my forehead. I think Abby can point me in the direction of a good tattoo artist" Alex plopped down on the sofa and flipped on the TV.

Gibbs ignored her snippy comment and he and Ducky discussed her condition quietly before Ducky left. Unsure of what to do, he stood and watched Alex as she flipped channels on the TV. Feeling his eyes watching her, Alex patted the spot next to her on the sofa and waited for Gibbs to sit next to her. Without thinking, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close. Alex pulled the blanket off the back of the sofa and draped it over the both of them before leaning into Gibbs, her head resting on his chest.

She wanted to apologize, apologize for causing him to worry over her, apologize for the time he lost at work to spend with her in the hospital. She knew he didn't like apologies, so instead she pointed to the TV, "If Mrs. Mallard had her way, that'd be Ducky's new step-father. Either that or my husband, it changes daily"

"You watched Dr. Phil with Mrs. Mallard?"

"Mm, hmm…"

"Maybe, we should take you back to the hospital and have your head re-examined"

"Mm, hmm…" Alex heard the question, but was focused on the heartbeat below her ear. The steady _thump-thump, thump thump_ combined with the familiar smell of sawdust and the familiar feel of the house, eased her into a deep sleep.

Gibbs sighed. He had had a nice dinner planned, he wanted everything to be perfect, but he knew she needed her rest. He carried her up to her bed, tucked her under the covers and left her to sleep. Downstairs he boiled some pasta and ate his dinner in silence. He went down to work on his boat, but didn't last long. It had been a long day at work, and the excitement of Alex returning home had tired him out.

---

It was midnight by the time he trudged up the stairs to bed. He brushed his teeth and then changed out of his clothes. It was a chilly night, but not too cold, so he pulled a pair of sweats on, but decided against a t-shirt. He peeked in on Alex one last time, satisfied that she was still breathing, he left the door ajar and found his way across the dark hallway to his own room, leaving the door open, to hear if she called out at any point in her sleep. He pulled back the covers and sat down on the edge of his bed.

He removed his watch and set it on the nightstand before sliding his tired body under the blankets and pulled them up around his chest before reaching out with an arm to turn off the lamp beside his bed. His body was tired, but his mind kept working.

He wanted this weekend to be perfect for Alex. Would she want to stay at home? Meet her friends for lunch somewhere? Should they order in and watch one of the movies she had, stacked up next to the TV with the DVD player she had added shortly after she had bought him the TV. His mind was at work when Alex sat up on the edge of her bed. His mind was so busy in thought that he didn't hear the bare feet pad across the hallway.

She watched him from his doorway. She could tell he wasn't asleep, but she wondered what was going through his mind. She was sure he would've heard her get up. She watched a little longer before she finally spoke, "Penny for your thoughts?"

Gibbs was startled back into reality. Alex was standing in his doorway; she had changed out of the clothes she had been wearing when he had carried her upstairs earlier. Now she was just wearing one of his old shirts that she had stolen when she had first moved in. The shirt fell to her mid-thigh. To him it was a repeat of the sight he had seen the first time they had shared a bed. A sight he remembered often.

She didn't wait for him to say anything, she just stepped forward and pulled back the blankets and climbed in the bed beside him. She lay on her side with her hands tucked under her cheek on the pillow. Gibbs rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow to face her. The room was dark but he could still make out the features on her face. She was beautiful and he wanted her. He had been in love with her for a long time, much longer than he originally had thought.

But looking at her now all he could think was how fragile she was. In the past two years she had been brought to the edge more than her fair share of times.

_I should just do it. I can't keep waiting for him to make a move. I'll be dead by the time that finally happens_, Alex thought sarcastically, _I was ready to make a move last time I was on my way home and look what happened._

"Gibbs…" Alex reached out and touched his chin.

"hmm…?" The soft touch of her fingers on his face made his eyes close. Her fingers traveled from his chin, up to his cheek bone, and then cupped his face in her hands.

Alex pulled his face down to meet hers, allowing her lips to cover his. He remained still when she kissed him. She kissed him once, then twice. She kissed him a third time, hoping that the reason he wasn't returning the kiss was due to the fact that he was momentarily paralyzed rather than that she had misread his feelings. She laid her head back on her pillow and move her hands to his shoulders, "Gibbs?" she was close to crying.

Gibbs flattened his hand against her back, pulled her against his body and pressed his lips to her ear, "I love you, Lex"

"Then why, why don't you want me?" Alex pulled back momentarily to look at Gibbs through the dark. She winced slightly as his rough fingers traced lightly over the scar that was healing along her hair line. He was quiet as Alex pulled herself tightly to his body again. She could feel his heartbeat pounding rhythmically through his chest.

"I don't want to hurt you" It was barely audible.

"you won't hurt me, you could never hurt me" Alex giggled and pressed her face into Gibbs neck to try and stop herself, "I'm asking you to kiss me, Gibbs, to make love to me. Not run me over in your car. Been hit by a car once already this month, that's plenty for me"

"It's not that I don't want…" he hesitated as Alex slid one of her legs between his, "to. I do, I just want to make sure you are 100% better before we do anything. I can't do this halfway. Not with you"

"I don't do anything halfway, you know that" Alex left a small trail of kisses along his jaw bone and smiled as she felt his jaw muscles tense and then relax. This was a battle he wasn't going to win.

"I just need to know that you are ok"

"I will be, if you'll just kiss me"

Gibbs faltered momentarily before making up his mind. Alex gasped when he grabbed her face and brought his lips crashing down on hers. Within seconds he had pushed her back and covered her body with his own without even realizing what he had done. He lifted himself so that he supported his own weight on his knees and his forearms. He pulled his mouth away panting and looked down at the woman below him, "I'm not hurting you?"

"I won't break, Gibbs. I'm not made of glass"

He nodded and a small smile crept up on his face before he kissed her again. Alex felt warm and safe as her body was sandwiched between the supple mattress and his strong body. Her fingers dug lightly into his back and up to his shoulders as he kisses his way along her neck. When the collar of the shirt she was wearing got in his way, he sat up, straddling her legs, and slid his hands down the sides of her body until he reached the hem of the shirt. He paused as he slid the shirt up over her underwear._ Pink_, he thought, _girly and feminine just like her_. The underwear sat low, below her hipbones, and as he continued to pull the shirt up, he paused again as her hip bones were revealed. His eyes flickered up to meet hers before returning to the ink in the skin. Her skin wasn't red, so he knew it wasn't new. He brushed his thumb over it, almost as if he was making sure it was real, before his finger traced the four letters, _NCIS_.

"After Kate died I wanted to get something done, but I wasn't sure what. Then Jenny died and I needed to have some sort of reminder, you know? First I just got NCIS, but as I was looking at it, I decided I wanted more, especially with the team split up, so I did this…." Alex pointed to a cluster of stars, each containing a letter. "K is for Kate, and the J is for Jen. I was going to leave it at that, but I couldn't, so I just got everyone. D for Ducky, M for McGee, A for Abby, T for Tony, Z for Ziva and then" Alex swallowed as she pointed to a larger star in the center of the cluster "LJG for…"

"For me?"

Alex sat up and finished pulling her shirt over her head before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him back down on top of her. Within minutes the tattoo had long been forgotten as fingers explored bodies. It was emotional for the both of them; this night had been a long time in the making.

Gibbs had been right, they couldn't do this halfway.

They were slow and methodical, memorizing curves, muscle tone, and scars; using their fingers and their mouths. Alex kissed the scars of his past. He had imagined their first time together to be fast and full of lust, but he was wrong. They took their time, committing everything to memory, just in case they should wake to find that it had all been a dream.

It was sometime after two in the morning when she whispered, "I can't wait anymore"

Gibbs brushed a strand of hair off of her sweat soaked brow and nodded "Do we need…?"

She shook her head, she was on the pill.

As soon as he entered her, Alex thought she was going to die. Their dance was slow and deliberate as their hips moved together. She was sure she was going to die from pleasure; she knew it wasn't possible, but she was fairly sure she'd be the first case. His name was on her lips, but she failed to put her voice behind it.

Gradually he picked up the pace, urged on by her legs as they wrapped around his waist. When he found himself hovering on the edge of release he pressed his face down into her neck. As he lost control, he let her name roll from his mouth in a deep growl. Hearing her name, his voice low and strained pulled Alex over the edge with him.

As their bodies relaxed, Gibbs was careful not to let his full body weight press down on Alex. He groaned at the loss of contact with her skin, and he shivered as the nights air passed over his chest as he laid on his back beside her. Alex reached for the blankets that had been shoved to the base of the bed and pulled them. Under the softness of the blankets Alex fitted her body against Gibbs with his arm around her. He pressed his palm against her back in a gesture to pull her closer, even though there was no space left between them. Alex trailed her fingers back and forth across his chest, from nipple to nipple, while Gibbs ran a finger up and down her spine.

"I love you, Gibbs"

"Ya think?"

Alex could hear the smirk in his voice but looked up to be sure. He kissed the tip of her nose "and I love you too"

---

Gibbs woke up Saturday to sun streaming in through the window. It had been sometime past five before they had drifted off to sleep, they had laid tangled together, quiet at first; reliving what they had just finished, but eventually they spoke. They talked about the past two years. Her pain. His pain. Her love. His love.

He expected to find her still in his arms, so when his eyes finally fluttered opened, he was surprised to find himself clutching a pillow. _Shit, she thought last night was a mistake_. He couldn't smell breakfast, so he knew she wasn't cooking. His mind raced, _what can I do? I've got to say something. I've got to fix this. _

"You awake yet?"

Her voice startled him and he sat up to find Alex sitting on the dresser across from the end of the bed. She was fully clothed, her hair was wet. She had obviously showered.

"I thought you left"

"Gibbs, I'm hurt. Where would I go?" She hopped off the dresser and made her was across the room to sit next to Gibbs, "I told you I love you last night, I don't drop the 'L' word lightly. I said it, and I meant it and I still mean it" She pressed her lips to his in lieu of _I promise_. "Here, go shower and then put these on" she pressed a clean set of clothes against his chest.

"Where are we going?"

"I need a new car Gibbs, I got my money and now I need some wheels. I've heard that dealerships give men a better deal, something about car knowledge. I'm pretty sure that the flash of my gun and badge would get a similar result, but I thought I'd take the girly route and bring my man to get a good deal"

He only had one thought as she pushed him towards the bathroom. _She's vivacious, I like that. _


End file.
